Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings

by Helene Boudreau Narrated by Jen Taylor

Overview

First zit. First crush. First...mermaid's tail? Fourteen-year-old Jade feels like a freak-of-nature when she finally gets her first period while trying on an XL tankini at the mall. It gets worse when she runs into handsome Luke Martin in the feminine products aisle while her dad Googles 'menstruation' on his BlackBerry. But 'freak-of-nature' takes on a whole new meaning when raging hormones bring on another metamorphosis - complete with scales and a tail. When Jade learns she's inherited her mermaid tendencies from her late mother, it raises the question: if Mom was a mermaid, how did she drown?

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"Jade is pretty certain that she has just experienced the most humiliating moment ever: when she gets her first period in the mall, she has to enlist her dad for help, since her mom disappeared a year ago. That's nothing compared to later that night, though, when she sprouts a tail in the bath, and her father explains to her that her mom is a mermaid who petitioned to become human. No one was sure how their offspring would develop, but Jade's tail growth pretty much cinches her mermaid status. She quickly decides to hide her condition from her hunky new crush, but she will use her new abilities to find her missing mother, who was abducted in hopes that she would tell imprisoned merfolk the secret of her conversion so that they might follow suit. Despite the jocular title, there's a hefty dose of darkness in the fantasy, especially surrounding Jade's mother's savage kidnapping and the physical torments of her transformation. On the other hand, Jade's tone is an accessible mix of bluster, insecurity, and sincerity, and the story makes menstrual embarrassment, mermaid abductions, and true (pesco-sapien) love all simultaneously plausible and deserving of reader sympathy. In true young-teen fashion, everything is exclamation-point-style dramatic, from the horrific change from mermaid to human to Jade's emphatic assertions about trying on bathing suits. Offer this quirky novel to readers who love mermaids but wish that they were occasionally less flowy and perfect and more . . . real." — Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

"I thought this book was the most cutest book I had ever read... Overall, I very much enjoyed this book and look forward to reading more of Helene's books because she is just a fun author!" — The Book Mermaid

"What I most loved about this book was the main character. She just felt like a completely real person, like someone you went to middle school with. And her voice was hilarious. When I finished the book, I put it down with a contented sigh. It was an incredibly fun and satisfying read." — Anna of First Page Panda

"...a cute mermaid book with depth. It's a coming-of-age tale. It's a mystery. It's a friendship novel. It's a first crush story. All of these combined make one fun read. There's danger, romance, family drama, funny escapades, and sweet moments between a father and his daughter." — TeensReadToo.com

"Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings had plenty of humor, action and a mystery. Younger girls will especially eat it up and wish for more of Jade's story." — Michelle and Leslie’s Book Picks

"This is one book I would definitely recommend for tweens. It's a fun, charming, witty story and one teen girls and women can definitely relate to in some sense. Not many books can deliver the humor of the "you know what" all girls get and deal with for the first time, like Helene did with Jade. I hope I get to read more about Jade. Her voice is one that will be hard to forget. This is a coming of age story with humor." — Mundie Kids Reviews

"This coming of age tale (sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun!) has a lot that tween/teen girls can relate to — friendship drama, crushes, puberty/body image issues — with a fantasy flair and a bit of mystery to boot." — Chrissie Morrison, Tween & Teen Librarian, The East Greenbush Community Library" — Librarina: Great books for Tweens & Teens

"Real mermaids are really cute. This was adorable." — (W)ords and (W)ardances

"Boudreau has woven an exciting tale of mermaid mythology and growing up… a witty, fun, and humorous novel with many cute lessons to learn!" — The Bookologist

"Boudreau spins a fast paced, coming of age story that will be enjoyed by all ages although I think tweens will like it the most." — Book Blather

"Real Mermaids Don’t Wear Toe Rings is like no other coming-of-age story that I have read yet. It’s charming yet exciting with an adventure of lives at stake." — Books By Their Cover

"I loved this book! I don’t want to spoil very many of the plot points, so I’ll just gush about Jade instead. She makes the book. She has a great personality and she’s very down to earth, but she also suffers from some very pesky issues with her self-confidence.

Real Mermaids Don’t Wear Toe Rings is a fun read, with mystery, suspense, and lots of danger. I liked the characters, I thought the premise was great, and I enjoyed reading along as Jade gains confidence in herself and comes to terms with who and what she is. I hope that there will be a sequel, because I would love to learn more about Jade and I look forward to spending more time with her." — Manga Maniac Cafe

"I saw a few other people in the blogosphere reading this, so I decided to give it a go. I love it so far. ...spontaneous and original..." — My Book Thoughts

"Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings not only is an extremely quick, adorable, and funny read, but it's also the perfect cross-over between tween and YA lit, so that truly anyone in those two groups can read it and have a high chance of enjoying it.

The premise of this was pretty great, and the execution was even better." — Lauren’s Crammed Bookshelf

"Oh, how I love this book! It's cute, spunky, and original and there's mermaids...what more could a girl ask for? Overall, I highly recommend Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings. It's a great MG book and will appeal to some YA readers as well." — Harmony Book Reviews

"This was a quick and easy read and I managed to read it in one sitting as I was curled up on the couch one afternoon. The day I read it was over cast and dreary out. Your typical winter day so it was nice to imagine being somewhere nice and summery. This is a great middle grade book for girl readers." — Cindy’s Love of Books

"This was a short cute book, and I loved the mermaid explanation. That was really original and it almost made me believe it could be true. So here the author really thought about how and why there are mermaids.

Recommendation and final thoughts:

A yes there, this is something young girls would enjoy. First there is mermaids, cool, the crush, and issues with friends. The paranormal and the down to earth things all young people go through." — The Book Girl of Mur-y-Castell

"Everything about Hélène Boudreau's latest release was wonderful. The characters were likable, the plot was somewhat unique, and the outcome, although slightly predictable, was completely satisfying. I was hooked from the first page, and pleased when I flipped over the last one.

Overall, this is one book you just can't miss. Its a fun and quick read, and even comes with Jade's recipe for scrumptious 5-Minute Chocolate Mug Cake in the end!" — Icey Books

"Helene Boudreau’s Real Mermaids Don’t’ Wear Toe Rings surprised the heck out of me! It was funny with snappy dialogue, poignant in its quirky coming-of age portrayal, and totally engaging in its frank yet corny depiction of the protagonist’s struggles with puberty, relationships, and dealing with her mother’s loss.

Even though this novel is geared towards a middle level female audience, it is a very engaging and an immensely entertaining romp. The ending was almost as fun as the start, with an unexpected twist that left me smiling and completely satisfied." — Eating YA Books

"...an absolutely charming book...[Jade’s] 'voice' was well articulated, strong, and often comical." — I Just Wanna Sit Here And Read

"Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings is absolute brilliance in one of it's most humorous and touching forms, making me not only laugh-out-loud several times but I also teared up on occasion! ...both a delightful and moving blend of clever wit, action, adventure, family, and friends. Seriously, this book had it all, and Boudreau was able to pull it off without making the book seem cluttered. Throw in Jade's little journey of self-discovery and you've got the perfect coming-of-age story." — The Book Pixie

"This new take on mythical and paranormal storylines is refreshing in itself, but Jade’s voice makes us true believers that maybe mermaids really do exist in our world." — Night Owl Reviews

School Library Journal

Gr 5–8—Jade, 14, finally gets her first period—in the dressing room at the mall. She shoves napkins in her panties and makes a beeline to the drugstore, where her dad Googles "menstruation" on his Blackberry and fills up a shopping cart with feminine hygiene products, pain pills, and bath salts. Embarrassed and blushing, Jade runs into handsome Luke Martin and can't put a sentence together. When she gets home, she takes a bath and grows a tail. Her dad explains that her mother, who went missing a year ago, was a mermaid. A few days later, Jade eats lunch by the lake and hears her mother's voice from the water. She enters the lake and transforms into a mermaid. Jade learns that her mother was kidnapped by convict merfolk and tortured in fresh water and is determined to find her. Jade is a likeable, sarcastic, plus-sized teen dealing with human and mermaid emotions in this fantasy (Sourcebooks Jabberwocky, pap. 2010) by Helene Boudreau. Jen Taylor's vocal characterization is a perfect match for of Jade's rollercoaster of emotions. This suspenseful and slightly romantic audiobook will garner fans.—Samantha Larsen Hastings, Riverton Library, UT

Kirkus Reviews

An appealing heroine, zippy prose and a preposterous plot make entertainment for young teens. Jade, nearly 14 and a bit on the chunky side, finally experiences her first period—but also discovers that she's part mermaid when she gets too comfy in her bath. Dad knew that Jade's mom was a mermaid, and no one understands how Mom could have drowned last year—until Jade discovers that she is being held hostage by an evil mer-couple in the local lake. Boudreau's characterizations ring nicely true, as Jade juggles her fight to free her mom with her own friendships and the unlikely interest of a popular, handsome boy. A nice sprinkling of wry humor keeps spirits up, but even for a fantasy, the plot conjures the term "eye rolling." A good fantasy makes readers believe; this one has enough dei ex machinae to populate Mount Olympus. However, the author keeps suspense high and her prose moving while tapping straight into young teens' angst about friends, enemies and boys. A talented writer aims too low but nevertheless produces light fun. (Fantasy. 10-14)

Product Details

BN ID:	2940175425285
Publisher:	Dreamscape Media
Publication date:	12/01/2010
Edition description:	Unabridged
Sales rank:	1,181,462

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

I bolted upright in the bathtub and hacked a mouthful of water. A wave sloshed onto the tile floor.

"Jade?" Dad's knock sounded from the other side of the bathroom door. "You okay, honey?"

"Yea...yeah," I managed to say between coughs, embar­rassed that I'd fallen asleep in the tub, freaked out that I must have slipped underwater. I took a long, shaky breath. "I'm fine, Dad. Thanks."

A shiver ran along my damp arm as I pulled a strand of hair from my mouth. What would have happened if I hadn't woken up? My thoughts turned instantly to Mom.

No. I couldn't go there...

"Can I get you anything?" Dad asked.

I rubbed my eyes and instantly regretted it. Epsom salt. Tear ducts. Ye-owch. Real smooth, Jade. But at least the cramps were gone.

"No, I'm good." I blinked through the haze to the coun­ter where Dad's drugstore bag spilled over with Super Maxi 32-packs and extra-long panty liners. Hadn't I tortured the poor guy enough for one day?

"Call if you need me." Dad's footsteps moved away from the door and continued down the hall.

"I will."

But I wouldn't. I shouldn't.

Yes, getting my first period was a big deal, but I was al­most fourteen, for crying out loud. I didn't need to run to daddy every time I had a puberty crisis. It had been a year since Mom drowned; it was time for me to start figuring things out on my own. Dad had enough to deal with.

Dim light from the streetlamp shone through the peb­bled glass of the bathroom window. My eyes burned, plus my legs had gone numb and felt like they'd been set in a block of cement. It was late. I should get dried off, head to bed, and finally put an end to this cruddy day.

I braced my hands on the side of the tub and shook my legs to get the blood flowing, but the sight that broke through the foamy surface of the water made me forget the pep talk I'd just given myself about not bothering...

"Dad!"

The world tipped on its axis as I worked to make sense of what I was seeing. I blinked, trying to focus. What the heck had happened while I'd been asleep? Was I having some kind of allergic reaction to Epsom salt? Had someone slipped hallucinogenic drugs into that Slurpee at the mall?

Those and other crazy thoughts shuffled through my brain as I struggled to understand why, instead of legs, the lower half of my body was now encased in a shimmering tail of iridescent scales.

"Ohmigod! Dad!!" I shrank back against the tub, dis­gusted by what I saw, but the tail moved with me. A sharp breath threw me into another fit of coughing. I shook my head.
Hard.

Dad's footsteps clattered along the wooden floor in the hall.

"What is it?" His voice rang through the door.

"Call 911!" The words escaped between coughs.

The knob rattled. "Unlock the door, Jade! Let me in!"

I tried to haul myself over the side of the tub to stretch my hand toward the door, but my lower half flickered use­lessly in the water.
"I can't..."

Dad jiggled something in the lock, no doubt one of his trillion Swiss Army knife attachments, but it proved use­less judging by the curse words he muttered. Finally, he rammed his weight against the door. A rush of air filled the room as the door flew open and slammed against the wall.

I pulled a towel to my chest from the towel bar above the tub as Dad stumbled into the bathroom.

"Look!" I lifted the tail from the water and struggled to catch my breath.

Dad's whole body jerked as he took in the blue-green scales shining from the tail. He collapsed onto the toilet seat and leaned heavily against the vanity.

"Do something!" I wailed.

Dad sat, frozen in place. He stared, mouth open, at my half-girl, half-fish body. After what seemed like forever, he spoke.

"Oh, Jade...I'm so sorry..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Your mom and I were always afraid something like this might happen to you."

Videos