Read an Excerpt
-INTRODUCTION-
Let's face it-cats aren't always perfect. I mean, whatever, let's walk that back a bit-cats are better than dogs, and they're better than most people, and they clearly live out their lives in a sublime state of total enlightenment on an exalted plane of existence that transcends petty human concerns like "making a living," or "helping around the house," or even "thinking about things." But they're not always perfect. That's all.
Unfortunately, up until very recently, there was no way for anyone to know this, because, due to a massive oversight (for which someone in charge was hopefully severely punished), there was no system in place for reviewing or ranking these animals with whom we share our lives and who we love unconditionally and who sit on our laptops. And it is well-known in philosophy that if you can't assign numbers to a thing on some website in order to determine its value to you, then, well, you barely even know which way is up with that thing! I am pretty sure this is a thing in philosophy.
What were we talking about? Oh yeah! Think about it: Restaurantgoers have Yelp; movie lovers have Rotten Tomatoes; tourists have the Michelin Guide; even dog lovers are able to go outside and talk to each other in real life. But up until recently there was NOTHING for cats. No way to rank them! No review of cats. It makes me angry just thinking about it!
Well, now there is an official way to review your cat. That's what we've been leading up to. In the last year, thousands of cat owners have looked deep inside their souls and taken off their rose-tinted glasses and really scrutinized their cats from an objective point of view for probably the first time in the history of the cat-human partnership. And the results have been really interesting.
What we're talking about here is nothing less than official, objective reviews by real cat owners of their previously unexamined, unaccountable feline roommates. And we know that these reviews are official, because they are all composed according to the four major criteria for cat excellence that are accepted by every sanctioned Cat Review Committee in the world: Appearance, Sociability, Usefulness, and Huggability. But this is the truly crazy part: In a development that shocked the entire cat community, not everyone got a perfect score. Cats aren't always perfect, it turns out.
OK, let's get to some reviews. Try not to judge these cats too harshly. A few of them vaguely mean well.
