Read an Excerpt
Introduction
I stood in my bedroom, naked, and looking in the mirror. It was not a pretty sight. I was thirty-eight years old, and had given birth to my second daughter the previous year. Despite a bout of soul-crushing postpartum depression (my second), I had managed to lose the thirty pounds I had gained, and my body was almost back to its pre-baby shape. But after breast-feeding two babies, my breasts hung from my chest like two pathetic, deflated balloons, and I felt about as sexual as a coat rack.
I hated looking in the mirror (not a healthy trait in anyone, let alone an actress). I felt unattractive, dried up, dead. My sex life with my husband was practically nonexistent, but after ten years together and two kids, whose wasn't? That was what I told myself. I blamed it on our busy schedules, or the lingering effects of postpartum depression, but deep down I knew I was fooling myself. It was me — plain and simple. I didn't feel good about myself, and I transferred these feelings to my family, my marriage, my sex life, and my career (or in those days, the lack of one). I had been let go from my second stint on the soap opera Days of Our Lives the year before, after a two-year run on Melrose Place. To say I was in a rut was an understatement. I had set up camp there.
What had happened to me? I had what most people would kill for — a fabulous husband and soul mate, two exquisite daughters, a home in Beverly Hills, the career I had always dreamed of (current dry spell notwithstanding), and I was in good physical shape. I wondered if there was something in my genes that prevented me from appreciating what I had. Truth be told, despite my sunny exterior, I had never been a "happy" person. Throughout my twenties and thirties, I always carried a vague feeling of unease, the sense that something was missing. In the business I'm in, feeling insecure at times is part of the deal, but I'm pretty sure I would have felt the same way had I still been living anonymously, outside of Hollywood.
It's not as if I was a stranger to obstacles. Growing up in the small town of Medford, Oregon, I visibly stood out. I was different. With my dark olive skin and dark brown hair, I didn't look like anyone else. I fought for everything I got. But if I was passionate about something, nothing stood in my way. And even as a little girl, I dreamed of being a star. My parents always told me that I could do anything, and I believed them. My goal was to get out of Oregon and be somebody. For twenty years, I persevered, pushing through rejection and tough times. My faith never faltered.
Over the years, in my quest for the key to true happiness, I've read a library's worth of self-help books, starting with The Power of Positive Thinking and The Road Less Traveled. I have explored various spiritual practices. I saw a therapist for eleven years, long after the relationship had served its usefulness. Yet I never found the key.
I knew my problems were small compared to the problems of millions of others. But you can only walk in the shoes you're in, and these shoes weren't just hurting me; they were affecting my marriage and my family. How could I take care of them if I couldn't take care of myself? What kind of example was I setting for my daughters?
I had to admit to myself that the funk was largely all my own doing; that I was the problem. I've always been one who believes that if you can identify the problem, you can fix it. Or alternatively you can stick your head in the sand and vainly hope it will go away. Obviously, it wasn't going to go away on its own.
Finally, my "never quit" gene kicked in. I realized I had to fix myself first, and then I'd be able to tackle the rest of the dissatisfaction in my life. And where, you ask, did I start? By learning how to give a lap dance! Yes, a lap dancing class changed my life — it reconnected me to my sexuality and forced me to let go of my inhibitions. I got my mojo back and then some, and my husband got the old (along with the new and improved) Lisa back. Suddenly I was no longer self-conscious about my body. I picked up some new bedroom tricks, and dusted off some oldies but goodies (much, much more on this in the sex chapter). Needless to say, we were both pretty happy campers.
I discovered that I had the power to change anything in my life. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, and potentially losing my husband, I did something about it. This was the first step in renewing the life I wanted, one in which I looked and felt my best.
Also around that time, a lifetime of reading self-help books finally clicked. Reading The Secret was an important key. Even though I was familiar with many versions of its core philosophies, this time I was ready for the message and really embraced it. As the Buddhists say, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I learned that all our thoughts are really just self-fulfilling prophecies. It didn't matter what I did, it was how I felt and thought about it. The negative self-talk and thoughts I had engaged in most of my life were what had been holding me back. Simplistic as this may sound, allowing myself to be open and consciously trying to stay positive all the time and be proactive worked for me big-time. I felt confident, in control, and lo and behold, happy for the first time in my life. Now I know this might sound too easy, but trust me, it's work and you have to be diligent.
I had experienced what I call a Rinnavation, a way to make a change and reboot my life by opening myself up to new possibilities, opportunities, and experiences. A Rinnavation is when you realize you want to change your life and you're committed to making it happen. It can start with a baby step, like taking a five-minute walk every day to kick-start an exercise routine, or a leap, like starting a business. Regardless of how you choose to embark on your own Rinnavation, the root cause is always the same — you acknowledge that something is a little (or a lot) off in your life, and you resolve to do something to start pulling yourself up out of the rut.
Rinnavation is, simply put, about looking your best, feeling your best, and doing your best, at every age and stage of life. We all have times in our lives when we feel just the opposite. You've packed on a few pounds, your social life is nonexistent, you hate your job, or something you can't even put your finger on is holding you back. I am a firm believer in action when this happens — whenever I have hit a roadblock in my life, doing something, anything, gets me on track to finding the solution. After all, you can't hit a moving target. And whether it is diet or exercise, starting a beauty routine, or changing your hairstyle, sometimes the littlest thing can make a huge difference. Even just by changing your thoughts, you can change your life. The key is, the change always starts with a positive outlook — sure, something isn't quite clicking, but you're going to start fixing it right now — and it often leads to much more than you originally set out to accomplish.
Getting my mojo back was just the beginning of a domino effect. I opened my first Belle Gray store in 2002 and then expanded to a second location in 2004. I was offered Dancing with the Stars in 2006. The following year, I starred in Chicago on Broadway. Who would have ever thought? I had never sung or danced professionally in my life! That same year, I was hired as the red-carpet commentator for the TV Guide Network. Since then I never look back. I look forward to every day because I have put my goals out there into the universe, and keep reaching for them. I'm always looking for the next Rinnavation.
I've never publicly discussed many of the personal details you'll read in the pages to follow. I'm sharing them with you now because the process of writing this book made me realize that all of these things — the good and the bad — are pieces of the puzzle, my puzzle, and I had to lay out all the pieces in order to see the bigger picture and what would work for me. Don't worry — I won't be getting all New Age on you. Positive thinking alone can't make you lose weight and get fit, nor will it give you a great haircut or fabulous style. These are the other pieces of the puzzle, but everything's connected. To look great you have to feel great, and vice versa. I've spent decades experimenting with every beauty, diet, exercise, and fashion regimen there is. What I've learned could fill a library (and what I've spent experimenting could sustain an entire bank). Since you probably barely have time to read this book, I have distilled just the best stuff, enough to get you on track for your own Rinnavation.
You may be seeking to revamp your appearance through diet, exercise, or a new beauty routine. I've been there. It is part of my job to look good at all times whether I like it or not, and this is especially true when I am in front of the camera. But I don't wake up every morning looking red-carpet ready. Far from it! Sometimes my face looks like a pizza because I have so many zits, I feel bloated, or my skin looks less than sun-kissed. Through the years, I've perfected the secrets to looking my best in the least amount of time — I've had to in order to survive in this business! I've culled information from the top hair stylists, makeup artists, exercise gurus, doctors, and fashion stylists, and I'm ready to pass it along. I've been so lucky to work with amazing people, but the truth is that anyone can do these, without a team of experts, and with minimal cost and time.
You might be trying to refocus your life on something you love. I know what that's like, too. Over the years, through will and necessity, I've learned to make my personal passions the driving forces of my life: fashion, fitness, marriage, sex, motherhood, dancing, and spirituality. Realizing these passions in the first place is what keeps me focused and motivated. Fortunately, I have been able to channel these passions, both personally and professionally, into things that are real and lasting, and very satisfying. For example, I took my passion for clothes and my addiction to shopping and opened my boutique line, Belle Gray, with my husband, Harry (who built the stores with his bare hands, I might add!).
I know firsthand that women have just too few hours in the day and that in the hectic whirlwind of our lives, looking fabulous is usually way down on the list of priorities. Who ever has enough time to accomplish everything they set out to do in a day? Getting the kids fed and to school on time is where the energy and precious minutes tend to go. But then, suddenly, something comes along that forces you to make the time to focus on yourself. Whether it's your high school reunion, your wedding (or someone else's), or fitting into those skinny jeans for the weekend, you need to look your best — fast.
Believe it or not, it is possible to make a real transformation in as little as a week. Many of my tricks are trompe l'oeil — little things that trick the eye into making you look thinner, fitter, more glowing. I will guide you step by step, from day one to day seven. I have tried hundreds of these strategies over the years and have learned which ones work, which ones don't work, and most importantly, which ones work quickly. I have included only the ones I know are the best — the most effective and the fastest.
Whenever I meet someone new, they unfailingly ask me one of three questions (sometimes all three!). In no particular order, they are: Who cuts your hair? How do you keep your body looking like that? How do you balance it all? Answering these questions was the original impetus for writing this book. Now, I am no expert, but I wanted to share my secrets for looking great, feeling great, and doing great. But a funny thing happened along the way. As I started writing the book, I began flashing back on my life and experiences, and I started seeing patterns in my life that I had never noticed before. I could track my evolution through the decades, through the exercise, fashion, and relationships I was involved in at the time. A lot of it wasn't pretty, but at the end of the day, I was proud of how far I'd come, and grateful for both my triumphs and my failures. It all made me who I am today, and I don't regret any of it. I can honestly say that I'm enjoying the best time of my life — professionally, personally, physically, sexually, and emotionally. Hey, it only took four decades! But it's never too late to start working toward your best life.
I'll give you tips to help you transform yourself so you can look and feel great, sometimes in a very short amount of time; but this is more than just a quick fix, a "how to get into your skinny jeans by Friday" kind of book. Yes, that's part of it, but there is a far bigger message. I often joke that I am on a mission — to help women get out of their comfort zones, to take a risk, to experience their own "Dancing with the Stars moment." I see women who are overweight, or out of shape, who seem to have given up. A lot of this stems from the fact that we women don't take time for ourselves. We are constantly only doing for others at our jobs and at home. We don't feel entitled to do things just for ourselves. Often that leads us into a big rut. I firmly believe that anyone can change their lives for the better, and it needn't be something major. Remember, we are multitaskers extraordinaire. We can do anything. And even the smallest change can take you in the right direction toward your own Rinnavation. You just have to make up your mind to make it happen. Whether it's taking a walk around the block, spicing up your sex life, or having a spa day with your girlfriends, it's about doing something just for you. You might feel a little guilty at first, but you will find that these little changes will benefit everyone around you. You can't make others feel good if you don't feel good about yourself. I really believe it is that basic.
It's all about doing what you need to do to be your best self. We have to be realistic and work with what we have. Let's face it, none of us will ever have Pamela Anderson's body or Angelina Jolie's face. But if you really work with what you have, you'll be amazed at how you look and feel, and how others respond to you.
The tips and routines in this book are easy to do, because if it's too hard you won't do it. And I will save you from many mistakes by sharing some of my blunders. You can cherry-pick the things that appeal to you and leave the rest. If you hate exercise, start with a few diet and beauty tips. One baby step at a time. If it feels good, take another step. If it doesn't, take a step back, and try something else — a different hairstyle or a new outfit. Have fun with it — what's the worst that can happen?
As you begin your transformation, try not to overthink it. It's easy to come up with all the reasons not to do something — no time, no money, no willpower — but it's just as easy to get up and do it. What are you waiting for?Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Rinna
