Read an Excerpt
Stepping Out of Denial into God's Grace
By John Baker
Zondervan
Copyright © 2012 John Baker
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-68961-4
Chapter One
The Road to Recovery
Eight Principles Based on the Beatitudes By Pastor Rick Warren
1. Realize I'm not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." (Matthew 5:3)
2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
"Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
3. BLDBLDonsciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control.
"Happy are the meek." (Matthew 5:5)
4. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
"Happy are the pure in heart." (Matthew 5:8)
5. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.
"Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires." (Matthew 5:6)
6. Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I've done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.
"Happy are the merciful." (Matthew 5:7) "Happy are the peacemakers." (Matthew 5:9)
7. Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will.
8. Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words.
"Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires." (Matthew 5:10)
Twelve Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons*
1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
"For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)
2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." (Philippians 2:13)
3. We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship." (Romans 12:1)
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." (Lamentations 3:40)
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:16)
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." (James 4:10)
7. We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
"Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31)
9. We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23 – 24)
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" (1 Corinthians 10:12)
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.
"Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly." (Colossians 3:16)
12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted." (Galatians 6:1)
Serenity Prayer
If you have attended secular recovery programs, you have seen the first four lines of the "Prayer for Serenity." The following is the complete prayer. I encourage you to pray it daily as you work through the principles!
Prayer for Serenity
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time ;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace ;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it ;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will ;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
Reinhold Niebuhr
Celebrate Recovery's Small Group Guidelines
The following five guidelines will ensure that your small group is a safe place. They need to be read at the beginning of every meeting.
1. Keep your sharing focused on your own thoughts and feelings. Limit your sharing to three to five minutes.
2. There is NO cross talk. Cross talk is when two individuals engage in conversation excluding all others. Each person is free to express his or her feelings without interruptions.
3. We are here to support one another, not "fix" another.
4. Anonymity and confidentiality are basic requirements. What is shared in the group stays in the group. The only exception is when someone threatens to injure themselves or others.
5. Offensive language has no place in a Christ-centered recovery group.
Lesson 1
Denial
Principle 1: Realize I'm not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." (Matthew 5:3)
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
"For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)
Think About It
Before we can take the first step of our recovery, we must first face and admit our denial.
God tells us, "You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!" (Jeremiah 6:14, TLB). The acrostic for DENIAL spells out what can happen if we do not face our denial.
Disables our feelings
By repressing our feelings we freeze our emotions. Understanding and feeling our feelings is freedom.
"They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of destructive habits — for we are slaves of anything that has conquered us." (2 Peter 2:19, GNT)
Energy lost
A side effect of our denial is anxiety. Anxiety causes us to waste precious energy running from our past and worrying about and dreading the future. It is only in the present, today, where positive change can occur.
"He frees the prisoners ...; he lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads." (Psalm 146:7–8, TLB)
Negates growth
We are "as sick as our secrets." We cannot grow in recovery until we are ready to step out of our denial into the truth.
"They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and he rescued them! He led them from their darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains." (Psalm 107:13 – 14, TLB)
Isolates us from God
God's light shines on the truth. Our denial keeps us in the dark.
"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." (1 John 1:5 – 7)
Alienates us from our relationships
Denial tells us we are getting away with it. We think no one knows -but they do.
What is the answer?
"Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves." (Ephesians 4:25, TLB)
Lengthens the pain
We have the false belief that denial protects us from our pain. In reality, denial allows our pain to fester and grow and turn into shame and guilt.
God's promise: "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." (Jeremiah 30:17, TLB)
Accept the first principle of recovery. Step out of your denial! Step into your Higher Power's — Jesus Christ's — unconditional love and grace!
Write About It
1. What areas of your life do you have power (control) over? Be specific.
2. What areas of your life are out of control, unmanageable? Be specific.
3. How do you think taking this first step will help you?
4. As a child, what coping skills did you use to get attention or to protect yourself?
5. In your family of origin, what was the "family secret" that everyone was trying to protect?
6. How do you handle pain and disappointment?
7. How can you begin to address your denial?
8. In what areas of your life are you now beginning to face reality and break the effects of denial?
9. Are you starting to develop a support team? Are you asking for phone numbers in your meetings?
List them here or on the inside back cover of this participant's guide!
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Stepping Out of Denial into God's Grace by John Baker Copyright © 2012 by John Baker. Excerpted by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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