The Incurable Romantic: And Other Tales of Madness and Desire

by Frank Tallis

Overview

A psychologist explores the intersection of love and madness through the riveting stories of the patients he has treated

In The Incurable Romantic, Frank Tallis recounts the extraordinary stories of patients who are, quite literally, madly in love: a woman becomes utterly convinced that her dentist is secretly infatuated with her and drives him to leave the country; a man destroys his massive fortune through trysts with over three thousand prostitutes -- because his ego requires that they fall in love with him; a beautiful woman's pathological jealousy destroys the men who love her. Along the way, we learn a great deal about the history of psychiatry and the role of neuroscience in addressing disordered love. Elegantly written and infused with deep sympathy, The Incurable Romantic shows how all of us can become a bit crazy in love.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781541617537
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	09/18/2018
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
Sales rank:	964,822
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Frank Tallis is a clinical psychologist and the author of over fifteen books, including The Incurable Romantic: And Other Tales of Madness and Desire. He previously taught clinical psychology at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology, and Neuroscience at King's College, London. He lives in London and Bonnieux, France.

Table of Contents

Preface ix

1 The Barrister's Clerk: Love that accepts no denial 1

2 The Haunted Bedroom: Ageless passion 33

3 The Woman Who Wasn't There: Suspicion and destructive love 53

4 The Man Who Had Everything: Addicted to love 89

5 The Incurable Romantic: On the impossibility of perfect love 109

6 The American Evangelist: Sins of the flesh 141

7 The Stocking Game: Dr B and Fräulein O-a cautionary tale 169

8 Narcissus: Desire reflected 185

9 The Night Porter: Guilt and self-deception 205

10 The 'Good' Paedophile: Tainted love 241

11 The Couple: Improbable love 263

12 Brain Guts: Love dissected 271

Acknowledgments 281

Editorial Reviews

08/01/2018
Sometimes we laugh or ridicule lovesick individuals. But clinical psychologist Tallis (Love Sick) asks whether we are discrediting and rejecting our human condition in doing so? Speaking with clients, says Tallis, provides a holding space for their suffering and also a story-rich environment for those who listen. Tallis has seen love-seeking behaviors create chaos, insecurity, pain; taking people to the brink of sanity (or over its edge). Here, he translates his work with clients into accounts of anonymous individuals besotted by love, concluding that when people are in love, feel brokenhearted by rejection, or miss a loved one, strong and out-of-character behaviors and thoughts can manifest. After a brief preface introducing readers to the enduring place of lovesickness in our human history, Tallis paints vivid pictures of journeys into love. VERDICT Recommended for anyone who appreciates stories that delve into the psychological experience of love.—Jennifer M. Schlau, Elgin Community Coll., IL

Library Journal

04/09/2018
This thoughtful study from British psychologist and mystery novelist Tallis (Mephisto Waltz) comprises 11 tales from his own practice touching on a single theme: people who “have experienced significant distress attributable to falling in love or being in love.” He posits this as a neglected field in modern psychology. Tallis recalls that during the eight years he spent studying to become a clinical psychologist, only one hour was devoted to the subject, though love, which often involves delusions and obsessions, can sometimes seem a form of psychopathology. Perhaps the tales that best illustrate this are those of a married woman infatuated with her oral surgeon and convinced, against all evidence, that he reciprocates; of a successful businessman who approaches bankruptcy because of his hypersexuality (he estimates that he has been involved with 3,000 prostitutes); and of a guilt-ridden pedophile who struggles mightily to resist his attraction to the young daughter of a friend. Tallis has a graceful narrative style, easily incorporating brief digressions on deeper philosophical issues such as free will versus determinism. Most importantly, his book is suffused with compassion, avoiding facile categorization and struggling to understand and empathize with his patients as people in pain, often anguish, because of the love they feel. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"Gripping...One of the points Tallis is making is that when we fall in love, we flirt with madness."—Nick Hornby, The Believer

"People driven mad by love is the stuff of operas. But Tallis, a clinical psychologist, takes a serious look at the neuroscience of the phenomenon, focusing on sensational case studies—like the man who kept 3,000 prostitutes in his employ, spending all his money in the hopes that they would fall in love with him."—New York Times

"Stories about those who arrive on a therapist's couch to complain about their love woes may appeal to our instincts for voyeurism, but Mr. Tallis never veers into prurience. Instead, he artfully heightens the ways these patients should feel familiar, as we all know a little something of love's madness."—Wall Street Journal

"Tallis gives readers a peek inside the therapist's office and a sense of how otherwise reasonable people can go crazy over love.... Even if we no longer recognize love as a disorder, we cannot deny its power to destabilize and distort."—Washington Post

"Thrilling, sometimes desperate, shockingly dark."—New York Journal of Books

"Part memoir, part scientific exploration, [The Incurable Romantic] chronicles more than a dozen tales of love gone horribly wrong."—New York Post

"Mr. Tallis is a gifted storyteller....In The Incurable Romantic he applies a novelist's skill to his clinical material....[His] characters remain sharply, painfully real, their stories as inconclusive, messy and fascinating as life."—Economist

"The Incurable Romantic earns its place in the fine tradition of popular psychoanalytic writing, exemplified by Irvin D. Yalom's excellent book of case studies, Love's Executioner....[Tallis] is an amiable and acute guide to the madness of love."—Times (London)

"[Tallis] knows how to tell a story. Boy, does he know how to tell a story. This powerful and moving book is not just about individual cases. It's also about what the human animal needs....Powerful and moving."—Sunday Times (London)

"[Tallis is] a brilliant raconteur....Only someone who has never felt sick falling head over heels, suffered the agonizing pangs of jealousy, battled bestial fogs of lust or wallowed in the delirious happiness of being entwined with the object of their love could fail to be fascinated."—Evening Standard (London)

"Thoughtful...Tallis has a graceful narrative style, easily incorporating brief digressions on deeper philosophical issues such as free will versus determinism. Most importantly, his book is suffused with compassion, avoiding facile categorization and struggling to understand and empathize with his patients as people in pain."—Publishers Weekly

"Moving, at times disturbing, and revealing-like having a productive, revelatory discussion with a trusted friend."—Kirkus Reviews

"For anyone who appreciates stories that delve into the psychological experience of love."—Library Journal

"Tallis explores...head-spinning tales of love gone wrong."—Booklist

"[Tallis's] compassion for the lovelorn shows."—Rushville Republican

"Writer and subject were rarely better matched. The pain and destructiveness of obsessive love takes many fascinating forms. In this superb study Frank Tallis brings a lifetime's clinical experience and wise reflection to a condition that, by its own strange routes, leads us into the very heart of love itself. This is a brilliant, compelling book."
—Ian McEwan

"This fascinating memoir peers deep into the dark heart of love."
—Herald

"Frank, informative and often bleakly funny..."—Helen Brown, Telegraph

"In the vein of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, The Incurable Romantic is a compilation of the real-life case studies of a clinical psychologist...Tallis draws his characters with such wit and skill."—Guardian

From the Publisher

2018-06-12
A veteran clinical psychologist in the U.K. recounts some of his cases involving those tormented by Cupid, Eros, and all the other love gods who meddle in our affairs. In his latest, Tallis—who has published both novels (Mephisto Waltz, 2018, etc.) and works of nonfiction (Hidden Minds: A History of the Unconscious, 2012, etc.)—deals with an assortment of cases, ranging from a man devastated by a breakup to a pedophile to those suffering from unrequited love. Throughout, the author maintains an appealing self-deprecation. He regrets things he said (or didn't say); he realizes he's not being effective; he worries about the patients who left his care for various reasons. He also displays evidence of his wide reading, and not just in the literature of psychology. He alludes to such figures as Thomas Mann, Shakespeare, Goethe, and Agatha Christie. He also includes elements of his own biography: We learn about the breakup of his first marriage, his two sons (more than 20 years apart in age), and his education and experiences in a variety of clinical settings. But the patients' stories remain prominent as Tallis explores the physiology and the psychology of human love. He discusses Darwinian aspects of it, and he chronicles his observation of a human brain (do slivers of memory remain?). Mostly, the author reveals how difficult it is for us to deal with imperfect love—i.e., with virtual types of love. Doubt, jealousy, depression, guilt, regret, ebullience—all course through the narrative. We also see how reluctant we can be even to talk about these emotions and experiences. Tallis' patients—like the rest of us?—conceal and modify and even prevaricate as they tell their wrenching love stories.Moving, at times disturbing, and revealing—like having a productive, revelatory discussion with a trusted friend.

Kirkus Reviews