The Manager Mom Epidemic: How Moms Got Stuck Doing Everything for Their Families and What They Can Do About It

by Thomas Phelan PhD

Overview

Are you a mom who does it all? This is the book for you.

It's impossible to deny—most moms continue to do way more household work and childcare than most dads. Working full time, raising kids, cooking dinner, making sure every appointment and activity is lined up and that everyone gets there on time… no wonder you're tired! But despite all the books and articles lamenting the crushing mental load and emotional labor women bear for their families, no one has come up with a plan to actually make things change. Until now.

The Manager Mom Epidemic is the first book that not only acknowledges the fact that moms are burning out, but shows you how to transfer responsibility for daily tasks from yourself to your partner and also (gasp!) your kids. Clinical psychologist and child discipline expert Thomas W. Phelan, PhD explains how we got into this mess in the first place, and how we can get out of it through a calm, systematic approach to teaching our families how to take initiative and contribute in meaningful ways. Dr. Phelan walks you through real-life situations and shows you how to step back from the things that are dragging you down. For example:

• Your Maternal Identity—the things you tell yourself you have to do in order to be a "good" mom
• The oppressive trap of chronic supervision
• Our society's curious underestimation of children's capabilities
• How to eliminate primary childcare with tweens and teens
• How to manager resistant or traditionalist dads

Realistic and simple enough to implement in your home right away, The Manager Mom Epidemic provides a roadmap for you to take your life back and proves that the happiest families share the work and the fun equally.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781492694502
Publisher:	Sourcebooks
Publication date:	12/03/2019
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	878,657
File size:	6 MB

About the Author

Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an internationally renowned expert, author, and lecturer on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. A registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist, he appears frequently on radio and TV. Dr. Phelan practices and works in the western suburbs of Chicago.

Table of Contents

Introduction Do You Feel Like the Family Nag? xi

Part I How Did We Get Here?

The Origins and Side Effects of Manager Mom xix

1 Interpersonal Bonding vs. the Frantic Modern Family 1

2 The Equal Suffering Law: Moms vs. Dads 12

3 Children's Independence vs. Chronic Supervision 23

4 Your Maternal Identity: The Ten Commandments 34

5 The Killer: Automatic Talking 42

6 Homework: A Manager Mom Case Study 52

Part II How Do I Get Myself Back?

Tools for Escaping Manager Mom 61

7 What Is Mom Doing Too Much Of? 63

8 The ABCs of Responsibility Transfers 71

9 Challenging Your Mommy ID 80

10 Mom's Declaration of Independence 92

11 More Tools for Responsibility Transfers 99

Part III Installing a New Regime

Case Studies in Time Liberation 113

12 Can a Seven-Year-Old Do His Own Laundry? 115

13 Getting Up and Out in the Morning: Temporary Trauma 129

14 Eliminating Primary Childcare with Tweens and Teens 144

15 Guerilla Warfare with Resistant Dads 154

16 Expediting Responsibility Transfers 170

17 Cooking, Food Shopping, and Housecleaning 179

Part IV Toddlers to Teens

Designing Away the Manager Mom Syndrome 193

18 Preschoolers: Craziness, Precedents, and Sloppy Training 195

19 Ages Six through Nine: Basic Training 205

20 Touchy Teens? Time for Independence 211

21 After Manager Mom 220

Notes 229

Index 232

About the Author 250

Editorial Reviews

★ 11/01/2019

Phelan, author of the perennial favorite "1–2–3 Magic" series, here tackles the invisible workload of moms. Moms managing too much results in burnout. How did we get here and what do we do now? Independence Deficit Disorder is rampant among children, says Phelan, and teaching kids to have self-confidence needs to be the long-term goal. By knowing our Mommy ID (inner rules for how mothering activities should be carried out), we can then challenge mind-sets to arrive at more healthy ones. Phelan also addresses barriers from within and without, such as the trap of chronic supervision and how to manage resistant or traditionalist dads, walking readers through a sample process of transferring accountability to other members of the family in a productive way. VERDICT Phelan brings his common-sense yet practical advice to a well-worn parenting issue. As with "1–2–3," this latest will fly off the shelves, so stock up on multiple copies.

Library Journal

"Tom Phelan's book effectively challenges the stories mothers tell themselves about what an ideal mother should look like — in short, the Maternal Identity. But even more valuable are his practical guidelines for releasing mothers from their perceived responsibilities! Successfully implementing Phelan's methods will increase kids' independence, improve and deepen fathers' family relationships, and make mothers much happier and more fulfilled." — Sarah Hart-Unger, MD, pediatrician and co-host of Best of Both Worlds Podcast

"Phelan brings his common-sense yet practical advice to a well-worn parenting issue. As with ­"1-2-3," this ­latest will fly off the shelves, so stock up on multiple copies." — Library Journal

"I predict this will change the lives of many families—mine included—for the better. A must read." — Emily Oster, New York Times bestselling author of Expecting Better and Cribsheet

From the Publisher