The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World

by Jenn Granneman, Adrianne Lee (Illustrator)

Overview

An introvert guide and manifesto for all the quiet ones—and the people who love them—on dating, relationships, work, careers, and more.

On behalf of those who have long been misunderstood, rejected, or ignored, fellow introvert Jenn Granneman writes a compassionate vindication—exploring, discovering, and celebrating the secret inner world of introverts that, only until recently, has begun to peek out and emerge into the larger social narrative. Drawing from scientific research, in-depth interviews with experts and other introverts, and her personal story, Granneman reveals the clockwork behind the introvert’s mind—and why so many people get it wrong initially. Chapters include:

• The Science of Introversion
• Introverts Aren’t Unsociable—We Socialize Differently
• Let’s Be Awkward Together—Introverts in Relationships
• Do I really Have to Do This Again Tomorrow? Introverts and Career
• Inside the Introvert’s Inner World
• And much more!

Whether you are a bona fide introvert, an extrovert anxious to learn how we tick, or a curious ambivert, these revelations will answer the questions you’ve always had:

• What’s going on when introverts go quiet?
• What do introvert lovers need to flourish in a relationship?
• How can introverts find their own brand of fulfillment in the workplace?
• Do introverts really have a lot to say—and how do we draw it out?
• How can introverts mine their rich inner worlds of creativity and insight?
• Why might introverts party on a Friday night but stay home alone all Saturday?
• How can introverts speak out to defend their needs?

With other myths debunked and truths revealed, The Secret Lives of Introverts is an empowering manifesto that guides you toward owning your introversion by working with your nature, rather than against it, in a world where you deserve to be heard.

Is there a hidden part of you that no one else sees? Do you have a vivid inner world of thoughts and emotions that your peers and loved ones can’t seem to access? Have you ever been told you’re too “quiet,” “shy,” “boring,” or “awkward”? Are your habits and comfort zones questioned by a society that doesn’t seem to get the real you? If so, you might be an introvert.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781510721029
Publisher:	Skyhorse
Publication date:	08/01/2017
Pages:	320
Sales rank:	171,231
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Jenn Granneman is on a mission: to let introverts everywhere know it’s okay to be who they are. She has advocated for introverts since 2013, when she created IntrovertDear.com, the popular online community and publication for introverts. For most of her life, she felt weird, different, and out of place because of her quiet ways; now, she writes about introversion because she doesn’t want other introverts to feel the way she did. Her writings on introversion have appeared in The Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and Susan Cain’s Quiet Revolution, among others. Jenn lives in Minnesota, and no, she doesn't want to go out this weekend.

Adrianne Lee is a creative techie who enjoys telling stories through her whimsical and witty cartoons. Her work combines Manga-style drawing with smart-but-subtle humor. When she is not indulging her need to tell stories with a humorous twist, Adrianne can be found drinking too much coffee and sorting through her options for her next “big idea”.

Table of Contents

Introduction xiii

Chapter 1 This is for All the Quiet Ones 1

There Must Be Something Wrong with Me 2

One Magic Word: Introvert 4

Now I'm on a Mission 5

Are You an Introvert? 7

Still Not Sure? 17

Tips for Extroverts 19

Why I Wrote This Book 19

Chapter 2 The Science of Introversion 22

The Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll Molecule 23

Too Loud, Too Many People 25

For Extroverts: It's All about Dosage 27

How Introverts Feel Rewarded 27

The introvert's Origin Story 29

What Introverts Are Like as Kids 31

Temperaments Don't Change, but Personalities Do 32

Why Your Personality Changes 34

Your Introversion Doesn't Have to Doom You 35

The Four Types of Introverts 38

Quiz-Which of the Four Types of Introverts Are You? 41

Why Introverts Might Struggle to Put Their Thoughts into Words 45

When Your Mind Goes Blank 47

Chapter 3 Introverts are Rude (And Other Misconceptions) 49

Misconception #1 Introversion Is Simply Rudeness 51

Misconception #2 The Introvert's Need for Solitude Is Antisocial 54

In Their Own Words 56

Misconception #3 Introverts Lack Passion 61

Misconception #4 Introverts Hate People 63

Misconception #5 All Introverts Are Shy 64

Misconception #6 Introverts Make Poor Leaders 65

Misconception #7 Introverts Don't Know How to Have Fun 67

Chapter 4 Yes, The "Introvert Hangover" is Real 69

"I Become Physically Unwell if I Overextend" 70

What an introvert Hangover Feels Like 71

What Everyone Else Does 73

For Extroverts: Recognizing the Signs of an Introvert Hangover 75

The Only Way to Cure an Introvert Hangover 76

Being Alone Can Be Glorious 77

When the Choice of Solitude Isn't Clear 79

Should I Stay or Should I Go? 82

How to Prevent an Introvert Hangover 83

Chapter 5 Introverts Aren't Unsociable-We Socialize Differently 87

Breadth vs. Depth 88

It's about Balance 89

Rules for Being Friends with an Introvert 90

If You Want More Friends 95

How to Ditch Small Talk 101

When Friends Drift Apart 105

Chapter 6 Please Just Leave Me Alone 109

Introverts' Favorite Things to Do Alone 112

Solitude Really Does Make Your Life Better 113

Solitude Can Help You Discover Yourself 118

Faces, Flowers, and the P300 Response 119

Introverts and Alone Time, by the Numbers 120

When You Have Too Many Obligations 123

Saying No Is the First Step 124

The Misplaced Guilt of Saying No 125

Improve Your "No" Game 126

Put Solitude on Your Calendar (It's What Rock 'n' Roll Stars Do) 128

Alone Time Is Not Personal Rejection 129

For Extroverts: Solitude Is Self-Care 131

Solitude Is Not Hikikomori 131

When Your Solitude Becomes Loneliness 132

Chapter 7 Let's Be Awkward Together-Dating for Introverts 135

What Introverts Want in a Partner 138

Why Dating Can Be Hard for Introverts 141

Are Introverts Too Picky? 144

A Caveat to Being Picky 146

When You Get Too Attached Too Fast 148

When You Put Someone on a Pedestal 149

For Extroverts: What You Should Know about Dating an Introvert 151

But I Don't Wanna Leave My House 152

But I Don't Know What to Say 153

Don't Fake Being an Extrovert 155

How to Be Quietly Intriguing 157

Will I Ever Find Love? 158

Chapter 8 Let's Be Quiet Together-Introverts in Relationships 161

Why Introverts Make Amazing Partners 163

Introvert vs. Extrovert, by the Numbers 164

A Partner Who Understands: The Introvert-Introvert Advantage 167

Challenges of Being an Introvert-Introvert Couple 169

Energy to Spare: The Introvert-Extrovert Advantage 172

Challenges of Being an Introvert-Extrovert Couple 173

For Extroverts: What You Should Know about Loving an Introvert 175

When Love Doesn't Work Out 178

Being Single Can Be Awesome, Too 181

Chapter 9 Troubleshooting Your Relationship 184

Why Relationships Can Be Hard for Introverts 186

Choosing the Right Partner 187

Look for Red Flags Early 189

Red Flags Introverts Should Watch Out For 190

Signs You're in the Right Relationship 193

Conflict Is Normal 195

Introverts Fight Differently than Extroverts 197

How to Handle Conflict Better 198

About Those Pesky In-Laws 200

Chapter 10 Do I Really Have to Do This Again Tomorrow? Introverts and Career 203

Why More Companies Should Hire Introverts 205

Introverts and Job Happiness, by the Numbers 207

When a Job Constantly Exhausts You 212

Choosing the Right Field 214

Ten Best Jobs for Introverts, Ranked by Salary 215

Work at Home in Your Pajamas (Really) 217

The Introvert's Need for Meaningful Work 217

When You Find Your Calling 220

Six Questions to Ask Yourself to Help You Find Your Calling 222

Chapter 11 Troubleshooting Your Job 225

When Friday Night Can't Come Soon Enough 227

Introverts and the Dreaded interview 231

For Extroverts: What You Should Know about Interviewing an Introvert 234

Talking Points to Sell Your Introvert Skills 237

Introverts Who Network (Yes, They Exist) 240

Network without Changing Who You Are 242

Getting Noticed at Work without Turning into an Extrovert 244

How to Speak Up in Meetings When You're an Introvert Who Hates that Sort of Thing 246

Chapter 12 Inside the Introvert's Inner World 249

What the Introvert's Inner World Is Like 250

Introverts and Creativity, by the Numbers 254

What Introverts Bring to the Creative Process 256

Famous Creative Introverts 258

Harnessing the Creative Power of Solitude 259

"Are You Okay?"-Resting Sad Face 261

The Torture of Overthinking 263

What Overthinking Feels Like 264

How Overthinking Harms You 266

How to Stop Overthinking 267

In Closing 269

Chapter 13 Work with Your Introversion Rather than Fight Against It 270

"What Makes You Weird Also Makes You Wonderful" 272

Your Needs Are Just as Important as Everyone Else's Needs 274

When You Have to Speak Up 275

Live Fearlessly 278

More Resources 280

Be as You Are 280

Bibliography and Suggested Reading 283

Acknowledgments 299

Editorial Reviews

Jenn Granneman is among the most sensitive and thoughtful introvert authors today . . . The Secret Lives of Introverts brings to life the experiences every introvert shares and helps us embrace our quiet nature in a very loud world.”
—Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking and creator of Quiet Revolution
“Introverts love secrets, and here, Jenn Granneman opens us to a rich world of them—secrets about what introverts think, desire, and feel; how our brains operate; why we get hangovers without drinking; how to navigate love and work; and what liberates us. An intimate line to the wisdom of introverts—without the awkward introduction and small talk.”
—Laurie Helgoe, PhD, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength
"Reading Jenn Granneman’s The Secret Lives of Introverts is like sitting on a stoop with a friend who understands the stigmas you face as an introvert. She offers you support and gentle guidance to navigate this noisy world. In this highly relatable book, Granneman covers topics like: how to manage the overstimulation of socializing, why solitude is crucial to an introvert’s well-being, and how introverts can succeed in their jobs and relationships. . . . Granneman combines compelling anecdotes and the latest research for a fact-filled and enjoyable read, succeeding at her mission to let introverts everywhere know that it’s okay to be who they are."
—Nancy Ancowitz, presentation and career coach and author of Self-Promotion for Introverts®
"Introverts are sometimes dismissed as boring or socially awkward, but in The Secret Lives of Introverts, Jenn Granneman reassures them they are normal, just different."
—Publishers Weekly
"The Secret Lives of Introverts provides introverts and those close to them with validating insight regarding their nature. It clears many of the common misconceptions surrounding introversion. It's a wonderful in-depth guide that lets introverts know we are not alone in our way of being, while informing those less introverted of our strengths, gifts and ability to be happy as we are."
—Brenda Knowles, creator of space2live and author of The Quiet Rise of Introverts: 8 Practices for Living and Loving in a Noisy World
“This one goes out to all of us who have a still surface but depths that teem with energy and life. Allow [Jenn Granneman] to show you the magic of your inner worlds and how to quietly bless others with what stirs down deep.”
—Adam S. McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church and The Listening Life
“The Secret Lives of Introverts is the new introvert's bible containing everything you need to know to understand, embrace, and celebrate your introversion. Granneman strikes a blissful balance between intriguing research on the science of introversion and heartfelt personal stories and insights that will have you shouting ‘amen’ in agreement (in your head, of course). True to her introverted nature, Granneman takes a thoughtful and thorough approach to explaining the many intricacies of being an introvert in an extrovert-biased world.”
—Michaela Chung, author of The Irresistible Introvert: Harness The Power of Quiet Charisma in a Loud World
"Jenn Granneman conveys everything that is beautiful and unique about what it means to be an introvert. She guides us through some difficult moments in life that are all too familiar to anyone who has struggled coming to terms with their quiet personality."
—Debbie Tung, author of Quiet Girl in a Noisy World and creator of Where's My Bubble
“The Secret Lives of Introverts is a book for everyone, introverts and extroverts alike. From the first embrace of chapter one, introverts who have endured the pain of feeling out of place, inadequate, or outright weird will feel remarkably understood. . . . Jenn’s warmth and exceptional ability to connect with her readers makes The Secret Lives of Introverts an enjoyable, validating, and encouraging must read. I love this book!”
—Aaron Caycedo-Kimura, author of Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life
"One of the best books I’ve ever read on introvert empowerment. Granneman’s fearless honesty about what it means to be an introvert in today’s loud, fast, and busy world filled with overcrowded schedules and spaces is desperately needed by all of us who have ever felt 'too sensitive.' She’s given me my new personal mantra: 'In your alone time, you’re free.'"
—Lauren Sapala, author of The INFJ Writer
"Reading this book was like finding a decoder ring for introverts. Jenn Granneman's candid, eloquent description of the introvert experience had me nodding along and underlining parts. It's wonderful to know that we are not alone, even in our need for solitude and quiet.”
—Nanea Hoffman, founder of Sweatpants & Coffee
“The Secret Lives of Introverts is for every introvert who has felt different. Filled with practical advice just for introverts on everything from romance to careers . . . its pages are filled with “mhm” moments and “aha” insights.”
—Thea Orozco, visibility advisor at Introvertology

“Jenn Granneman is among the most sensitive and thoughtful introvert authors today . . . The Secret Lives of Introverts brings to life the experiences every introvert shares and helps us embrace our quiet nature in a very loud world.”
—Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking and creator of Quiet Revolution
“Introverts love secrets, and here, Jenn Granneman opens us to a rich world of them—secrets about what introverts think, desire, and feel; how our brains operate; why we get hangovers without drinking; how to navigate love and work; and what liberates us. An intimate line to the wisdom of introverts—without the awkward introduction and small talk.”
—Laurie Helgoe, PhD, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength
"Reading Jenn Granneman’s The Secret Lives of Introverts is like sitting on a stoop with a friend who understands the stigmas you face as an introvert. She offers you support and gentle guidance to navigate this noisy world. In this highly relatable book, Granneman covers topics like: how to manage the overstimulation of socializing, why solitude is crucial to an introvert’s well-being, and how introverts can succeed in their jobs and relationships. . . . Granneman combines compelling anecdotes and the latest research for a fact-filled and enjoyable read, succeeding at her mission to let introverts everywhere know that it’s okay to be who they are."
—Nancy Ancowitz, presentation and career coach and author of Self-Promotion for Introverts®
"Introverts are sometimes dismissed as boring or socially awkward, but in The Secret Lives of Introverts, Jenn Granneman reassures them they are normal, just different."
—Publishers Weekly
"The Secret Lives of Introverts provides introverts and those close to them with validating insight regarding their nature. It clears many of the common misconceptions surrounding introversion. It's a wonderful in-depth guide that lets introverts know we are not alone in our way of being, while informing those less introverted of our strengths, gifts and ability to be happy as we are."
—Brenda Knowles, creator of space2live and author of The Quiet Rise of Introverts: 8 Practices for Living and Loving in a Noisy World
“This one goes out to all of us who have a still surface but depths that teem with energy and life. Allow [Jenn Granneman] to show you the magic of your inner worlds and how to quietly bless others with what stirs down deep.”
—Adam S. McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church and The Listening Life
“The Secret Lives of Introverts is the new introvert's bible containing everything you need to know to understand, embrace, and celebrate your introversion. Granneman strikes a blissful balance between intriguing research on the science of introversion and heartfelt personal stories and insights that will have you shouting ‘amen’ in agreement (in your head, of course). True to her introverted nature, Granneman takes a thoughtful and thorough approach to explaining the many intricacies of being an introvert in an extrovert-biased world.”
—Michaela Chung, author of The Irresistible Introvert: Harness The Power of Quiet Charisma in a Loud World
"Jenn Granneman conveys everything that is beautiful and unique about what it means to be an introvert. She guides us through some difficult moments in life that are all too familiar to anyone who has struggled coming to terms with their quiet personality."
—Debbie Tung, author of Quiet Girl in a Noisy World and creator of Where's My Bubble
“The Secret Lives of Introverts is a book for everyone, introverts and extroverts alike. From the first embrace of chapter one, introverts who have endured the pain of feeling out of place, inadequate, or outright weird will feel remarkably understood. . . . Jenn’s warmth and exceptional ability to connect with her readers makes The Secret Lives of Introverts an enjoyable, validating, and encouraging must read. I love this book!”
—Aaron Caycedo-Kimura, author of Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life
"One of the best books I’ve ever read on introvert empowerment. Granneman’s fearless honesty about what it means to be an introvert in today’s loud, fast, and busy world filled with overcrowded schedules and spaces is desperately needed by all of us who have ever felt 'too sensitive.' She’s given me my new personal mantra: 'In your alone time, you’re free.'"
—Lauren Sapala, author of The INFJ Writer
"Reading this book was like finding a decoder ring for introverts. Jenn Granneman's candid, eloquent description of the introvert experience had me nodding along and underlining parts. It's wonderful to know that we are not alone, even in our need for solitude and quiet.”
—Nanea Hoffman, founder of Sweatpants & Coffee
“The Secret Lives of Introverts is for every introvert who has felt different. Filled with practical advice just for introverts on everything from romance to careers . . . its pages are filled with “mhm” moments and “aha” insights.”
—Thea Orozco, visibility advisor at Introvertology

From the Publisher