The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting

by Christie Mellor

Overview

“Lays out a plan for parents to enjoy themselves and not be slaves to their children while still offering their kids a warm, nurturing environment.” —Publishers Weekly

Parents were here first! How did the kids suddenly take control? Sure the world has changed from the days when children were supposed to be seen and not heard but things have gotten a little out of hand. What about some quality time for the grownups? Author Christie Mellor’s hilarious, personal, refreshing, and actually quite useful advice delightfully rights the balance between parent and child. In dozens of short, wickedly funny chapters, she skewers today’s parental absurdities and reminds us how to make child-rearing a kick. With recipes, helpful hints, and illustrations, this high-spirited book is the only book parents will really need—and enjoy.

Includes chapters on:

• Screaming: Is It Necessary?
• Bedtime: Is Five-Thirty Too Early?
• Child Labor: Not Just for the Third World!
• “Children’s Music”: Why?
• . . . and much, much more

“Harried mothers who have given over their lives to their adorable little angels, beware: This book is the equivalent of a cocktail in the face . . . The book details the glories of saying no to your children, explains when you’ve gone too far in childproofing your home, laments our over-reliance on camcorders (‘a disease’) and suggests that the Tooth Fairy is getting robbed. Best of all, there’s a recipe for teaching your tot how to mix a simple martini just the way you like it—with lots of alcohol.” —Chicago Sun-Times

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781452116549
Publisher:	Chronicle Books
Publication date:	10/12/2021
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	144
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Christie Mellor is an actress, screenwriter, and parent of two darling angels. She lives in Los Angeles.

Table of Contents

	Introduction: In Praise of Grown-up Time	11
	Saying No to Your Child: It's a Kick!	16
	The Childproof House: How to Know If You've Gone Too Far	22
	Bedtime: Is Five-thirty Too Early?	29
	The Child at a Social Event	32
	Screaming: Is It Necessary?	39
	Your Child's Life: Now Available on DVD!	42
	Diaper Bag or Steamer Trunk?	46
	When It Is Time to Leave	49
	Children's Birthday Parties: Not Just for Children!	54
	The Family at Table	61
	Child Labor: Not Just for the Third World!	68
	Avoiding the Detritus of Childhood	74
	Preschool: The Fast Track to Harvard	78
	The Three-Martini Playdate	82
	Mommy, I Want a Puppy!	87
	"Children's Music": Why?	94
	Are We There Yet? On the Road with Max and Maddy	101
	School Days, School Days	108
	Self-Esteem and Other Overrated Concepts	113
	Karate, Little League, and Ballet: Your Child's Eighty-Hour Work Week	117
	Steppin' Out with My Baby	121
	Television: Is Six Hours a Day Too Much?	126
	Your Cost-Effective Tomboy	130
	Don't, Like, Waste My Time	133
	The Amazing Hands-Off Daddy	136
	Epilogue: Why Do We Have Children?	141
	Helpful Hints!
	Etiquette for First-Time Parents	14
	When You Are the Victim of Your Own Child	20
	Practical Childproofing	28
	On Getting out the Door	53
	On Having Your Cooking Appreciated	66
	Fiscal Planning and Your Tooth Fairy	72
	For Your Listening Pleasure	98
	Entertainment on the Road	105
	On Helping Your Youngster with School Projects	112
	Do-It-Yourself After-School Enrichment Program	120
	Recipes
	Our Little Tot's First Martini Recipe	37
	Lemonade for Grown-ups	57
	Weenie Fondue (For a Crowd)	58
	Devilish Eggs	60

Editorial Reviews

Harried mothers who have given over their lives to their adorable little angels, beware: This book is the equivalent of a cocktail in the face. You may even forget to patiently count to three the next time tiny Tallulah needs a time-out. "Let us be perfectly frank," writes Mellor. "You were here first." The empowerment is almost unbearable! "It's time to warm up the ice cubes, curl up on the sofa, and send darling Spencer into the other room to play by himself," insists Mellor. The book details the glories of saying no to your children, explains when you've gone too far in childproofing your home, laments our over-reliance on camcorders ("a disease") and suggests that the Tooth Fairy is getting robbed. Best of all, there's a recipe for teaching your tot how to mix a simple martini just the way you like it — with lots of alcohol... -Chicago Sun-Times

Mellor, mother of "two darling little angels," tells parents it's time take back their lives—and their right to have a few cocktails at a child's midday birthday party. With chapters such as "Bedtime: Is Five-Thirty Too Early?" and "Screaming: Is It Necessary?," the author lays out a plan for parents to enjoy themselves and not be slaves to their children while still offering their kids a warm, nurturing environment. Mellor's advice has a retro twang, and is always wry and often quite funny, standing in sharp contrast to the guidance normally found in books of its kind. The author urges readers to recruit children to pitch in with household chores ("Three years old is not too soon to start learning the fundamentals of decent vacuuming") and thinks excessively childproofing a home is ridiculous, since kids find a way to open complicated locks anyway ("You might as well festoon all your drawers and cabinets with brightly colored flags that say 'Hey, You! Kid! Fun and Danger in Here!'"). Mellor's guide will surely be a boon to parents in need of some "grown-up time." -Publishers Weekly

From the Publisher