The Woman's Guide to How Men Think: Love, Commitment, and the Male Mind

by Shawn T. Smith PsyD

Overview

Men are like the ocean... deeper than they look and easy to misread. The Woman's Guide to How Men Think bridges the gulf between the sexes by explaining how men see the world, and how they view the women in their lives.

Written by a clinical psychologist and backed by research, this book reveals what women want to know about the men they love. You'll discover...

The most important thing to men, and how it affects romance

Why men change after they commit to a woman- The most damaging mistake women can make with men

How to help a man open up

Strategies for handling the most common misunderstandings

You'll also learn why men often feel frustrated and criticized by their partners, how to deal with male silence without putting men on the defensive, and how some of the most frustrating male traits may actually be thoughtful--but misunderstood--attempts at problem-solving.

If you have been searching for an insider's guide to the ever-elusive male mind, then look no further. This upbeat and positive guide will help you navigate these mysterious waters.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781608827893
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	02/02/2014
Pages:	208
Sales rank:	450,414
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Shawn T. Smith, PsyD, is a psychologist in private practice in Denver, CO. He is author of the book The User's Guide to the Human Mind, and writes a blog at ironshrink.com. Smith enjoys various manly activities, including being a husband and father. He lives with his wife and daughter, and their dog.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction 1

Part 1 A Day in the Life of a Male Mind

1 The Most Important Thing to Men 11

"I Am My Responsibilities"

Putting Words to the Problem

"I Am My Status"

The Importance of-Being Effective

It's All About You

2 How Men View Women 27

Can Silence Be an Attempt at Effectiveness?

Yes, We Want to Sleep with You, But…

The Rule of Stoicism

Why We Need to Impress You

Our Love Is Different from Yours

3 The Expectation Shift 41

From Bad Boy to Altar Boy

"He Wasn't That Way When I Met Him"

What Men Struggle With

Part 2 Why Men Just Don't Make Sense Sometimes

4 The Male Way Is Sometimes the Most Useful Way 59

Why Men Are Intrepid Problem Solvers

Mangineering

Why Mangineering Is So Great…and So Challenging to Live With

5 The Male Way Is Sometimes the Least Useful Way 77

Why Men Dig the Hole Deeper and Deeper

Men's Emotional Training

It Takes Two

Problem Solving Versus Problem Behavior

6 The "A" Word 93

An Intimidating Word

Reasons Not to Embrace Male Traits

Should You Change, or Should He?

Embracing the Other Side of the Coin

Part 3 How to Speak Manese

7 Break the Pattern, Not the Man 111

Spotting a Pattern

Giving Him a Way to Win

Changing the Pattern

As Challenging as 1-2-3

8 Behind the Scenes 129

The Stage Metaphor

Five Ways to Keep His Feelings Hidden

Eight Steps to Your Backstage Pass

Helping Your Partner Communicate

9 Relationship Quicksand 151

How to Prevent or Escape Relationship Quicksand

If There's a Problem, Name It

Be Someone He Wants to Be Around

Respond to Primary Emotional Reactions

Create a Pattern Escape Hatch

Accept Peace Offerings

Don't Assume He Understands

Rebuild Intimacy

Seek Couples Therapy

What About Nancy and Eric?

10 Good Things That Good Men Bring to Relationships 169

What Makes Good Men Good at Relationships

The Best of Both

Epilogue 183

References 193

Interviews

Shawn T. Smith lives in Denver, Colorado.

Editorial Reviews

"The war of the sexes is historical, and methods of creating peace are plentiful, but few work well. In The Women's Guide to How Men Think, the author, a man, offers women a code to male thinking that could bring an end to this war, if embraced. Readable, practical and wise, I recommend this book to all women who want to understand men and to all men who would like a better understanding of themselves."--Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want and co-author of Making Marriage Simple

"At first glance, The Woman's Guide to How Men Think suggests a twenty-first century version of John Gray's classic, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; however, rather than focus on men at their worst, Shawn Smith writes about what he terms 'good men.' As a therapist who promotes secure-functioning relationships, I find his premise--that there are men willing and able to love and commit in relationships--refreshing. Readers of both genders should find this book sheds new light on many of the age-old dilemmas of pair bonding."--Stan Tatkin, PsyD, author of Wired for Love

"Smith is a brilliant writer who explains the mysteries of the male mind with intelligence, compassion, and humor. His well-researched book is a compelling guide that provides a better understanding of men and will result in improved relationships. This is a must read for every woman."--Michelle Skeen, PsyD, radio show host and author of The Critical Partner

"Shawn Smith's book provides a wonderful service in helping women understand men. He weaves together research, clinical experience, and personal experience in a clear, accessible way. I will recommend this book to clients and students, as he is able to highlight the influence of gender without being stereotyping or simplistic. Smith shows us how to avoid the trap of resentment that comes with misunderstanding, and gives thoughtful and practical examples that can improve relationships."--Shelly Smith-Acuna, PhD, Author of Systems Theory in Action and dean of the Graduate School of Professional Psychology at the University of Denver

"Shawn Smith has written a powerful primer for modern women who have not been schooled in gender differences. The Woman's Guide to How Men Think takes a gentle approach to helping women understand what makes men tick--which will, in turn, help women find the love they seek."--Suzanne Venker, author of The Flipside of Feminism and The War on Men

"Shawn Smith's book is not only notable for its helpful contents but for the way in which he opens his heart and mind as an authentic personal ambassador of the good man he represents. In every chapter he builds upon his basic premises: women can master the tools to get more of what they need from their men, guys are relatively easy to love if women don't expect them to be like them, and women and men need each other's core contributions if they want to create the ultimate fulfillment each of them deserves. In a unique blend of substantial research, humor, and a strong conviction in what he believes in, Shawn delivers his story in a manner that is easy to embrace."--Randi Gunther, PhD, author of Relationship Saboteurs and When Love Stumbles

From the Publisher