Then Comes Marriage: How Two Women Fought for and Won Equal Dignity for All

by Roberta Kaplan, Edie Windsor (Foreword by), Lisa Dickey (Editor)

Overview

A Los Angeles Times Best Book of 2015: “A riveting account of a watershed moment in our history.”—President Bill Clinton

Renowned litigator Roberta Kaplan knew from the beginning that it was the perfect case to bring down the so-called Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer had been together as a couple, in sickness and in health, for more than forty years—enduring society’s homophobia as well as Spyer’s near total paralysis from multiple sclerosis. Although the couple was finally able to marry, when Spyer died the federal government refused to recognize their marriage, forcing Windsor to pay a huge estate tax bill.

In this gripping, definitive account of one of our nation’s most significant civil rights victories—named a Ms. Magazine Top 10 Feminist Book of 2015 and a National Law Journal Top 10 Supreme Court Aficionado Book of 2015—Kaplan describes meeting Windsor and their journey together to defeat DOMA. She shares the behind-the-scenes highs and lows, the excitement and the worries, and provides intriguing insights into her historic argument before the Supreme Court. A critical and previously untold part of the narrative is Kaplan’s own personal story, including her struggle for self-acceptance in order to create a loving family of her own.

Then Comes Marriage tells this quintessentially American story with honesty, humor, and heart. It is the momentous yet intimate account of a thrilling victory for equality under the law for all Americans, gay or straight.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780393353365
Publisher:	Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	10/25/2016
Pages:	368
Product dimensions:	5.60(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Roberta Kaplan is a partner at Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP. Since winning United States v. Windsor, she litigated the case against the gay marriage ban in Mississippi and filed “The People’s Brief” in the Supreme Court case of Obergefell v. Hodges. She lives in New York City with her wife and son.

Table of Contents

Foreword 11

Chapter 1 Gay Pride 17

Chapter 2 Parents and Second Parents 32

Chapter 3 The Beginnings of a New Perspective 48

Chapter 4 Be Brave-Do the Right Thing 64

Chapter 5 A Very Long Engagement 85

Chapter 6 The Rest Was Just Dancing 103

Chapter 7 It's All About Edie, Stupid 117

Chapter 8 Sometimes, Prayer Works 131

Chapter 9 Superior Dance 148

Chapter 10 Professor Diamond and Captain Underpants 166

Chapter 11 Perfectly Pleased 183

Chapter 12 Be Our Guest 203

Chapter 13 To De-Gay Or Not to De-Gay 223

Chapter 14 Already Married, Already Gay 242

Chapter 15 Skim Milk 261

Chapter 16 Equal Dignity 289

Epilogue 315

Acknowledgments 325

Index 331

Editorial Reviews

"Roberta Kaplan makes questions of constitutionality and the intricacies of legal strategy read like a John Grisham thriller. Then Comes Marriage explains how we arrived at this surprising moment in history, but it’s also a testament to the persuasive, transformative power of a good story."

Alison Bechdel

"I thought I knew the Windsor case chapter-and-verse. As if! Then Comes Marriage will forever change the understanding of this landmark case—its genesis, its outside-the-box strategy, and its tactical brilliance. This is the can’t-put-down, emotional, funny, essential explanatory text that makes sense of Windsor, not just as law but as life."

Rachel Maddow

"A fast-paced, engaging account…. Kaplan breaks down the legal and procedural issues for nonlawyers and preserves suspense even where we know the outcome."

Huffington Post - Jeffrey S. Trachtman

"[A] page-turning, powerful new book."

Michelangelo Signorile

"This book tells all. Two great love stories (Robbie and Rachel, Thea and Edie), the trial, and all the internal struggles. It was so interesting and well-written that I could not stop reading it."

The Advocate - Robin Tyler

"Compelling…. Kaplan deftly uses [Thea Spyer and Edie Windsor’s] story as a lens through which to consider a broader set of inequities, less about marriage than common human decency…. [A] deeply moving book."

Los Angeles Times - David Ulin

"[A] scintillating read…. [Kaplan and Dickey] weave a fascinating narrative that gives the reader an insight into one of the Supreme Court’s most provocative cases…. This book deserves a place on everyone’s shelf."

New York Journal of Books - Joan M. Burda

★ 08/10/2015
Civil rights lawyer Kaplan, who helped bring down Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act in the case United States v. Windsor, shares the remarkable story of the landmark victory for gay rights. Along with detailing her legal strategy in the lower courts, Kaplan weaves her own coming out story and her personal relationship into the story of her clients Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer, but those details never compete. Instead, they provide a revealing juxtaposition of how two very different generations of lesbians wrestled with the social attitudes of their times. It’s a timely, well-told story, brimming with observations about the importance of family and Kaplan’s Jewish heritage. Her explanations of the intricacies of U.S. constitutional law are deft and accessible to the layperson, especially when she divulges the strategy of focusing their legal case on Justice Anthony Kennedy’s jurisprudence. Kaplan’s rallying cry “It’s all about Edie, stupid” keeps the stories of two remarkable women at the center of this historic legal and human drama. Photos. (Oct.)

Publishers Weekly

09/15/2015
Lead attorney Kaplan brings us a behind-the-scenes, insider view of the titular Windsor case from inception to U.S. Supreme Court decision. A litigation partner at Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, Kaplan has been involved in the legal struggle for queer family rights since the mid-1990s. In 2009, the author was approached about the possibility of representing Edie Windsor (who provides the foreword to the book) in her claim against the federal government over nonrecognition of her marriage to Thea Spyer following Spyer's death. Kaplan would end up taking the case pro bono and making an appearance before the Supreme Court. Kaplan weaves her own story of coming out, marriage, and family life into a tale of nail-biting legal strategy that culminates in the 2013 decision striking down the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) as unconstitutional. Although the mainstream media has often focused on male advocates of marriage rights for same-sex couples, Kaplan's book reminds us of how many women have been central to marriage equality's recent legal victories. VERDICT Readers with an interest in constitutional law and Supreme Court politics, as well as the road to marriage equality, will find this account deliciously gripping. [See Prepub Alert, 5/4/15.]—Anna J. Clutterbuck-Cook, Massachusetts Historical Soc. Lib., Boston

Library Journal

2015-07-08
A key litigator who argued and helped defeat the Defense of Marriage Act describes the process, the politics, and the history behind the watershed Supreme Court ruling. In 2009, private attorney Kaplan agreed to represent Edith Windsor, a former computer programming whiz whose wife of 44 years, Thea Spyer, had recently died. Though the couple had married legally in Canada, their union was not recognized in the United States, leaving Windsor owing thousands of dollars in estate taxes as the sole heir to her late wife's holdings. Kaplan personalizes the narrative with an account of her coming-out process in 1991 as a Harvard and Columbia University graduate and the daughter of a homophobic mother. The author openly shares the timeline of her own marriage to political activist Rachel Lavine as well as a "rainbow coalition" of gutsy LGBT legal advocates and the many cases incrementally paving the way toward equal rights. Kaplan also fondly recognizes the extraordinary connection she'd previously had with Spyer, who had been her psychotherapist when she was a young lesbian. As the heavily publicized lawsuit proceeded against DOMA, which essentially considered the couple "legal strangers," Kaplan's oral arguments before Supreme Court justices, bolstered by Windsor's affidavits, proved a victorious combination and opened the door for further same-sex equality measures. Equally engaging is the story of the genesis of Windsor and Spyer's four-decade romance, a love that persevered despite the closeted 1950s era from which it emerged. Published on the heels of the 2015 landmark Supreme Court same-sex marriage legalization ruling, Kaplan's narrative is accessible and provides a greater understanding and valuing of the great strides and sacrifices made on behalf of same-sex civil rights. Kaplan delivers a well-rounded, informative, and illuminating perspective on the complexities of nontraditional marriage.

Kirkus Reviews