Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life

by Lori Deschene

Overview

From Stress to Happiness. Many of us know intellectually that we need to be good to ourselves if we want to be happy. But it feels so hard. We are simultaneously the harsh judge and the lost, scared child who wants to stop feeling judged. It becomes a vicious cycle. It only stops when we step outside ourselves and observe how we got ourselves stuck. Only then can we learn to practice gratitude and positive thinking.

Joy and Peace. Lori Deschene, creator of TinyBuddha.com and the self-help journals Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal and Tiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal, shares 40 unique perspectives and insights to help you stop judging yourself so harshly. Featuring stories selected from hundreds of TinyBuddha.com contributors, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself provides an honest look at what it means to overcome critical, self-judging thoughts to create a peaceful, empowered life.

More than a Self-Help Book. Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself is a collection of vulnerable reflections and epiphanies from people who are learning to love themselves, just like you. In this book, you will find:

• Four authentic, vulnerable stories in each chapter
• Insightful observations about our shared struggles and how to overcome them
• Action-oriented suggestions based on the wisdom in the stories

Readers of inspirational books and spiritual books like The Book of Joy or other books by Lori Deschene such as Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal  or Tiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal will love Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781642503029
Publisher:	Mango Media
Publication date:	04/13/2021
Pages:	316
Sales rank:	1,057,889
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 5.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Lori Deschene grew up in Massachusetts, where she developed into a Type-A overachiever with a strong drive to do more and be more—largely because she believed this would prove she was valuable and lovable. She began working two jobs at twelve years old, all while maintaining her status as an honor roll student and spending nights rehearsing for community theater performances. So packed was her schedule that a friend predicted, in her high school year book class prophecy, that she'd eventually write and star in a one-woman show about her life called "Stress."

Though she's yet to pen that script, she's learned a lot about managing stress since she left her hometown in 2002. Since then, she's traveled all over the US for work, lived in multiple states, recovered from a decade-plus battle with bulimia, healed from major depression, learned to embrace her emotional sensitivity, and built a career that suits her introverted nature and allows her to leverage her painful past for good.

Lori is the author of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life's Hard Questions, Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself, Tiny Buddha's 365 Tiny Love Challenges, Tiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal, and Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal. Formerly a contributor for nationally distributed girls' magazines, Lori dreams of one day writing and illustrating her own picture books. But first, she's devoting her energy to the newly launched Tiny Buddha Productions and working on her first feature film. Who knows—that one-woman show may eventually see the light of day.

Read an Excerpt

by Maelina Frattaroli

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
—Proverb

A friend of mine once said, “If there's a word in the English language I detest, it's ‘should.’ What a pointless, useless, waste-of-space (euphemism for other choice adjective) word.” I think he's right on the money. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, you should consider the definition of should, as defined by dictionary.com:

Should: must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.

There is always something we feel we cannot and should not do for fear of humiliation, regret, or having to explain ourselves to others (and sometimes to ourselves). Should is an instrument of regret. Maybe one of these sounds familiar to you: I should not have lashed out near the end of my last long-term relationship. He should not have been so insensitive or distant; that way I wouldn't have lashed out. I should really get a grip on life; people must think I'm unmotivated and stagnant. I shouldn't contact him so often; he must think I'm annoying or needy. I should stop acting on my emotions because I'll regret it later. I should clearly try harder because my boss doesn't give me the time of day.

Some of these decisions may not lead to the results you want in life. But does it serve you to tag on a conditional disclaimer to everything you've said or done in the past? It does if you want to, as F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in The Great Gatsby, “beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” But in the real, modern world—without prohibition, flappers, speakeasies, jazz, and glam—it doesn't serve you to caveat your life with should if you want to experience life, in the moment, at its fullest.

It's not easy to remove this seemingly harmless word from your vocabulary because we're programmed to blame ourselves when things don't go according to plan or as we hoped they would—as if there's something wrong with us. It's almost as though we hold on to should to justify who we actually are: human beings with emotions and flaws.

The truth is, we will continue to occasionally make regretful decisions, lash out when we feel emotion, remain stagnant in unfavorable environments for fear of change, send one too many text messages to unresponsive people, or even lie to remove ourselves from uncomfortable situations. All things we're programmed to know we shouldn't do. I say we should do all those things (more hypocrisy—just to make a point). We should make mistakes sometimes. Why? Simple: so we can learn from them, and, in time, move forward when we know how and why to do things differently. Not just because we should, but because we understand and are equipped to make that change.

I'm on this rocky road to self-discovery in several aspects of my life, and I'm learning to embrace it, even though it's difficult. Right now, my step is to try and distill all the past “should have/could have/what if/if I had/why didn't I say/why didn't he do” lines of thinking, and the illogical “if I had done X, then Y would have happened” mindset.

It's time to throw logic out the window—to analyze life less and live more. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to think for myself, not under the opinions or reign of anyone else. I suspect it won't be easy. I often stumble without being caught; but the next goal is to learn to catch myself. And if occasionally I don't, to remember that wise proverb: tension is not who I am. It's not who you are, either.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

About Tiny Buddha and This Book

About My Journey to This Book

1. When You're Stuck in Your Childhood: Moving Beyond What You Learned
Top 4 Tips About Moving Beyond Your Childhood Pain

2. When You're Obsessed with Fixing Yourself: Realizing You're Not Broken
Top 4 Tips to Stop Feeling Broken

3. When You Focus on Your Flaws: Accepting All of You
Top 4 Tips About Self-Acceptance

4. When You're Hard on Yourself: Embracing Self-Forgiveness
Top 4 Tips About Forgiving Yourself

5. When You Focus on Getting Approval: Releasing the Need for Validation
Top 4 Tips About Releasing the Need for Approval

6. When You Think Other People Are Better: Letting Go of Comparisons
Top 4 Tips About Releasing Comparisons

7. When You're Trying to Fill a Void: Learning to Complete Yourself
Top 4 Tips About Completing Yourself

8. When You're Scared to Be Real: Allowing Yourself to Be Authentic
Top 4 Tips About Being Authentic

9. When You Don't Prioritize Self-Care: Taking Care of Yourself
Top 4 Tips About Taking Care of Yourself

10. When You Don't Feel You Make a Difference: Believing in Your Worth and Discovering Your Path
Top 4 Tips About Believing in Your Worth and Discovering Your Path

Conclusion

The Tips

The Quotes

The Stories

The Contributors

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“We can all feel broken, wounded, and alone at times, but never while reading this beautiful, wise guide to taking good care of ourselves. All of us can find inspiration and powerful lessons in Tiny Buddha's openhearted, generous community of teachers. I'm so grateful to have found them.”

—Priscilla Warner, author of Learning to Breathe: My Yearlong Quest to Bring Calm to My Life

“Reading Lori Deschene's wonderful new book, Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself, is like listening to a good friend who reminds you of who you are when you need to hear it the most. Deschene and her contributors write about real-life situations with real-life solutions and they do it with the same unflinching honesty that has made TinyBuddha.com so popular. If you are ever hard on yourself—and who isn't—you need to read this book.”

—Amanda Owen, author of The Power of Receiving

“This wonderful collection of personal stories and words of wisdom will help you become kinder and more compassionate to yourself, and ultimately show you how to lead a happier and more fulfilling life.”

—Kristen Neff, author of Self-Compassion, Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

“Lori Deschene makes the top of loving yourself come alive in a way that is both highly entertaining and very practical.”

—Jonathan Robinson, founder of FindingHappiness.com and author of Communication Miracles for Couples

“You have to love yourself to love other people and your life. In this powerful collection of stories and insights, Lori Deschene and other Tiny Buddha contributors share how they overcome shame, insecurity, and perfectionism to help you do just that. I highly recommend Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself to anyone who needs a little help recognizing their worth and potential.”

—Karen Salmansohn, bestselling author of Prince Harming Syndrome

Editorial Reviews

"I spent months retweeting posts from a mystery handle called @tinybuddha. I wasn't the only one: Hundreds of thousands of people followed the daily messages. I was intrigued and made it a point to meet the woman behind the message. Today, Lori Deschene is a friend and fellow author who spreads truth and inspiration throughout the twittersphere, her blog, and now her new book! Lori has shifted the energy of the Internet with her loving daily posts and now she is sharing more with the world throughout her incredible book!" —Gabrielle Bernstein, author of May Cause Miracles and Spirit Junkie

Reviews

“Tiny Buddha is a moving and insightful synthesis of evocative stories and ancient wisdom applied to modern life. A great read!” —Jonathan Fields, author of Uncertainty

“Lori is one of a kind. Her amazing heart and wisdom shine through in everything she writes! I am a HUGE fan of Tiny Buddha, and I’m constantly inspired by Lori and her work.” —Mastin Kipp, founder of The Daily Love (thedailylove.com)

"Loving yourself is the foundation for finding inner peace, happiness, and the ability to love others. In this wonderful book, Lori Deschene does something remarkable. She makes the topic of loving yourself come alive in a way that is both highly entertaining and very practical. This is one book that shouldn't be missed." —Jonathan Robinson, founder of FindingHappiness.com and the author of Communication Miracles for Couples

“You have to love yourself to love other people and your life. In this powerful collection of stories and insights, Lori Deschene and other Tiny Buddha contributors share how they overcome shame, insecurity, and perfectionism to help you do just that. I highly recommend Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself to anyone who needs a little help recognizing their worth and potential.” —Karen Salmansohn, bestselling author of Prince Harming Syndrome

“There’s nothing tiny about the extra-large dose of awesome stuffed into Lori’s writing. Read it and feel good about the world.” —Neil Pasricha, founder and author of 1000 Awesome Things and The Book of Awesome

“This wonderful collection of personal stories and words of wisdom will help you become kinder and more compassionate to yourself, and ultimately show you how to lead a happier and more fulfilling life.” —Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion, Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

“Few people in our time have more passionately or more creatively applied wisdom teachings to a new digital generation than Lori Deschene. I am continually inspired by her writing, and also by her sincere dedication to learning, growth, and wisdom. I feel tremendously fortunate to have had the chance to get to know her work through Tiny Buddha, and to know her as a person. Both embody the same essential truths.” —Soren Gordhamer, founder and author of Wisdom 2.0

“We can all feel broken, wounded, and alone at times, but never while reading this beautiful, wise guide to taking good care of ourselves. Some of us need permission to do that. All of us can find inspiration and powerful lessons in Tiny Buddha's openhearted, generous community of teachers. I'm so grateful to have found them.” —Priscilla Warner, author of Learning to Breathe: My Yearlong Quest to Bring Calm to My Life

“Reading Lori Deschene’s wonderful new book, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, is like listening to a good friend who reminds you of who you are when you need to hear it the most. Deschene and her contributors write about real-life situations with real-life solutions and they do it with the same unflinching honesty that has made TinyBuddha.com so popular. If you are ever hard on yourself—and who isn't—you need to read this book.” —Amanda Owen, author of The Power of Receiving

“Lori Deschene doesn't claim to be anybody’s guru. But it’s that lack of pretense and her total candor—how she tells her own often-wild story without flinching—that is so magnetic, inviting a sense of ease with our own wrinkles, too, and fostering a sense of personal possibility. As she asks: Are you ready to be free?” —Margaret Roach, author of And I Shall Have Some Peace There

“How can we find happiness and peace—right now, right here? In her engaging, thought-provoking book Tiny Buddha, Lori Deschene explores this enormous question to help readers grapple with challenges like money, love, pain, control, and meaning, in order to find greater happiness.” —Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project

“I spent months retweeting posts from a mystery handle called @tinybuddha. I wasn’t the only one: Hundreds of thousands of people followed the daily messages. I was intrigued and made it a point to meet the woman behind the message. Today, Lori Deschene is a friend and fellow author who spreads truth and inspiration throughout the twittersphere, her blog, and now her new book! Lori has shifted the energy of the Internet with her loving daily posts and now she is sharing more with the world throughout her incredible book!” —Gabrielle Bernstein, author of May Cause Miracles and Spirit Junkie

From the Publisher