Jean Treadway is a young, cultured New England woman whose every material need is supplied by wealthy, overprotective parents. Through an arranged correspondence, she meets Forrest Holly—a dirt-poor Southern California rancher whose spiritual foundation turns despair into purpose.
As different as they are in background, they share two things: they are both blind, and they are both determined to live an active, normal life and raise a family.
While Jean was among the first women to use a Seeing Eye dog on urban streets in the late 1930s, Forrest used a seeing-eye bull, and his horses, to guide him on the ranch in the 1940s. As they discover each other through letters that have to be read to them, his earnestness and folksy humor win her heart, leading to an extraordinary life together, shared by their four children.
Jean Treadway is a young, cultured New England woman whose every material need is supplied by wealthy, overprotective parents. Through an arranged correspondence, she meets Forrest Holly—a dirt-poor Southern California rancher whose spiritual foundation turns despair into purpose.
As different as they are in background, they share two things: they are both blind, and they are both determined to live an active, normal life and raise a family.
While Jean was among the first women to use a Seeing Eye dog on urban streets in the late 1930s, Forrest used a seeing-eye bull, and his horses, to guide him on the ranch in the 1940s. As they discover each other through letters that have to be read to them, his earnestness and folksy humor win her heart, leading to an extraordinary life together, shared by their four children.
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Overview
Jean Treadway is a young, cultured New England woman whose every material need is supplied by wealthy, overprotective parents. Through an arranged correspondence, she meets Forrest Holly—a dirt-poor Southern California rancher whose spiritual foundation turns despair into purpose.
As different as they are in background, they share two things: they are both blind, and they are both determined to live an active, normal life and raise a family.
While Jean was among the first women to use a Seeing Eye dog on urban streets in the late 1930s, Forrest used a seeing-eye bull, and his horses, to guide him on the ranch in the 1940s. As they discover each other through letters that have to be read to them, his earnestness and folksy humor win her heart, leading to an extraordinary life together, shared by their four children.
Product Details
ISBN-13: | 9780795323515 |
---|---|
Publisher: | RosettaBooks |
Publication date: | 02/12/2019 |
Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
Format: | eBook |
Pages: | 573 |
Sales rank: | 808,596 |
File size: | 5 MB |
About the Author
![About The Author](http://img.images-bn.com/static/redesign/srcs/images/grey-box.png?v11.11.4)
Hometown:
San Diego, CaliforniaDate of Birth:
January 20, 1946Place of Birth:
Racine, WisconsinEducation:
San Diego State UniversityWebsite:
http://www.svreeland.comRead an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
1930
"Keep your head still, Jean."
"I am."
That seemed to be the only sentence anybody ever said to her. They didn't know how hard it was. With her eyes bandaged for months, there was nothing to do. Nothing to look at. The door, window, dresser, everything in that blank hospital room swam vaguely in her memory. The sandbags on both sides of her head felt hot and her back hurt from lying in bed all day.
She wished Lucy were here. Back home months before, the day her doctor told her she had to keep her head still, her younger sister Lucy read the Sunday funnies to her all afternoon until they could get her to the hospital. She even described what the characters were doing — Andy Gump, and Orphan Annie with her saucer no-eyes.
Once, years earlier, before she was old enough to read the comics, some older kid laughed at her and said, "Those stupid glasses make you look like Orphan Annie." She had them since she was two and was afraid not to wear them. Both of her brothers wore glasses, too. Later, when she saw Orphan Annie in the comics for the first time, those round white eyes shot off the page at her and she hated Annie and turned the page to Mutt and Jeff so quickly she ripped it. But she was curious and the next Sunday she forced herself look at Annie's eyes for a long time, until she got used to them. Almost anything was bearable if you got used to it, Mother always said, so she looked for Annie each week. She discovered Annie wasn't scared of anything and she did exciting things, maybe because she was an orphan. Eventually, Annie became her favorite. Jean did look a little like her, she guessed, because her hair was curly too, but not red like Annie's. Just plain brown. In bed in the hospital, she wondered what Annie did this week, but Lucy probably wasn't going to come, so she wouldn't know.
Most of the time Lucy didn't visit with Mother and Father. And even they could only come from Connecticut to New York on Sundays. When they were here, she felt a little like she were back home at Hickory Hill. It wasn't anything Mother and Father said or did when they were here. All they could do was sit in the room. Mother talked about Jean's brothers, and Father talked about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig. It was Father's pipe smoke that made her feel homey. It smelled like cherries and burning leaves, and for the hour they were there, she didn't breathe the ether of the hospital.
"Did you read the funnies this morning, Father?" she asked the last time they came, but she didn't really think he had.
"No."
"Nurse Williams said that last week Annie sold pencils on the street next to a man who was selling apples. Did you see any real people selling pencils?"
"Where?"
"Outside on the street. Miss Williams said it's true — that men are selling things in the streets and people are standing in lines for soup."
"We didn't see any near here, but there are some." Mother's voice got softer. "Some people are having a hard time."
That last visit was over so fast. Father didn't even touch her when he said goodbye. He just said, "Keep your head still, Jean."
How many times a day did she hear it? Even in the middle of the night she heard it. Last month for her twelfth birthday Father and Mother had brought her a chiming clock, made by the Ingraham Clock Company, the business Mother's family owned. There was a button she could push on the left side and it would chime the hours. The button on the right side chimed the minutes. It sounded musical and the last note always echoed. Once she woke up in the middle of the night and wondered what time it was. Still lying on her back, she slithered her hand sideways out of the covers and found the left button. Three chimes sounded, but before she could find the other button, she heard, "Jean, keep your head still." Right in the middle of the night! Sometimes she wanted just to tell everybody never to say it again, that she was trying as hard as she could.
One other sentence echoed with it in her mind every so often, but that was her own: if it doesn't work. That sentence, she never knew how to end. Keep your head still ... but if it doesn't work. The words battered at her in a nightmare that never ended. She'd already lost sight in one eye, two years earlier, from inherited causes, Dr. Wheeler had said. This would be different. She tried not to think about it, but couldn't help it. There was nothing else to do.
If it didn't work, and she'd never see again, what would it be like? Would her friends still want to be with her? What about Sybil? Would they ever go out to that secret place behind the mulberry tree in Sybil's back yard to smoke? She remembered and it made her happy, but she wasn't even supposed to smile. It might disturb her eyes. She and Sybil used to find horse chestnuts and dig out the insides with a knife in order to stuff them with withered grape leaves. Then they'd poke a hole in the side and wedge in a thick, hollow spaghetti. If they were careful and the spaghetti didn't break, they'd light it. It tasted terrible, but it made a lot of great smoke. It was better than smoking corn silk wrapped in The Bristol Press with her brother Bill. That just tasted like burning paper.
She could still do that even if, well, if she couldn't do other things. And if the operation didn't work, she could still go to dancing school. Maybe. But would Don or Bobby ask her to dance? The thought jabbed at her. What would happen when they played Truth, Dare or Consequences? Would they kiss her behind the pillow like they'd done before, both of them? She liked Bobby. Once he brought wild pink arbutus to her from the woods on the Hill — they smelled like spring — and he was the first one to write in the scrapbook her class sent her on her twelfth birthday. She remembered part of his poem:
If wishes were horses I'd take a long ride Down to New York To be by your side.
That was nice. There was more of it, too, which she couldn't remember no matter how hard she tried, and the nurses were too busy to read it to her again. Bobby seemed older than the others to write that. Well, she could still climb the apple tree with him if he dared her to.
But if it didn't work, that is, if she couldn't see, she wasn't sure about climbing onto the roof. It was three stories up. She hadn't been afraid at all before. She'd done it lots of times. It was exciting. "I dare you to touch the lightning rod," she'd whisper to Bill at breakfast. He was a year older.
"Dares go first."
Just what she was waiting for. They'd climb out Bill and Mort Junior's bedroom window to the second floor terrace roof. That was gravel and flat — easy. Then they'd hoist themselves onto the steep slate part and go up higher, to the third floor dormer windows. She remembered how the soles of her feet throbbed when she sidestepped across the pointy peak of the roof out to the edge to reach the lightning rod, but that didn't matter. She would do it anyway, usually even before Bill would. Mort was too old. It wasn't any fun to dare him. If Father ever found out, they'd get a tongue-lashing. Now, even Bill probably wouldn't dare her any more. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
She remembered how free it felt way up there, level with the top branches of the hickory trees in the woods. Hickory Hill, their house, was almost at the top of Federal Hill which everyone in the neighborhood simply called "the Hill." From the roof she could see the grass triangle of Federal Hill Green where she went to school. She could see into the town of Bristol, to Father's gray stone bank and the high school, but she couldn't quite see the industrial part of town by the river or Horton Manufacturing Company, the factory Father owned. When she was up on the roof, she felt like a bird, or at least like she wanted to be a bird. Not forever, just for a while. It would be nice now, she thought. Birds could move their heads. They could go anywhere.
Except Chanteur couldn't. Poor Chanteur was in a cage next to her, the only thing in the room that seemed real. She knew everything the canary could sing, the short little chirps that sounded like he was practicing scales. Then there were lyrical passages that reminded her of "Greensleeves." She wondered what Chanteur looked like. Maybe she'd never see him. She had to find out. That was all, she just had to.
The hospital seemed quieter than usual. No one had walked by in the hall for a long time. If she were quiet, maybe no one would discover her moving around. She lifted the covers and slowly swung her legs out over the edge of the bed. Her heart beat so hard it made her chest and throat bounce. She slid down carefully until her toes touched the floor. It felt like cold stone. With her hands in front of her, she edged toward the bird's song, trying to keep her head very still. The room was smaller than she remembered so her foot rammed into the table leg and shook the cage. The bird stopped singing.
"It's okay, Chanteur," she whispered. "I won't hurt you." Her hands sought the door of the wire cage and opened it. She reached inside and he started flapping around. Feathers brushed by. Probably his tail. Not very soft at all. His body would be softer. She moved her hand to the left. Wings flapped. Tiny claws scraped across the back of her hand to the right. She went right. The bird let out a screech. She drew in her breath. "I won't hurt," she cooed again. She kept her hand still. Maybe he would calm down and stand on her finger. Nothing happened. She closed the cage door and picked her way back to bed, her heart thumping.
"What's all that racket?" Nurse Williams asked at the doorway. "You've been out of bed again, Jean Treadway, I just know it."
"Who, me?"
"You've been moving your head, bothering that bird again, haven't you?"
"No, I wouldn't hurt him. He's my yellow music box."
"Yellow? That bird's not yellow."
"I thought all canaries were. What color is he?"
"Kind of a blue-gray."
It wasn't an important thing, but it shocked her. She couldn't assume anything anymore.
Another patient, Mrs. Whitelaw-Reid, whose husband owned some big New York newspaper, gave her the canary. It didn't occur to her then to ask what color it was, but later when Mrs. Whitelaw-Reid gave her a fluffy comforter for her birthday, she asked what that looked like. Comforters could be any color. "It has yellow flowers on a white background," Mrs. Whitelaw-Reid said in a voice that reminded her of a clarinet. Now Jean wondered whether this lady looked as soft as she sounded. Or maybe she was big and mean-looking and only sounded sweet. How was she to be sure of anything?
A few weeks earlier, after Jean's second operation, Mrs. Whitelaw- Reid bought her a typewriter. It was such a big gift she didn't know how to respond. What did Mrs. Whitelaw-Reid know that would make her give her a typewriter? It made a hollow feeling in her stomach.
After four months in Harkness Hospital, Dr. Wheeler told her it was time to take the bandages off again. The first time hadn't worked. In fact, it was worse. Everything looked all slanty and it made her dizzy, so they had to do it over.
"Finally," she said. "Now can I sit up and move my head?"
Dr. Wheeler chuckled. "Yes, Jean, that's what it means."
That was the last time he chuckled that day. All during the tests he kept asking her, "How many fingers can you see?" Then he just asked, "Can you see my fingers?" Then, "What can you see?"
"Just light and dark. Shadows moving."
He was quiet for a long time. She felt her breathing come in waves. It seemed the only thing she was sure of. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Writing." He sat down on her bed and took her hand. "Jean, I don't like having to tell you this, but I don't think we can do any better. I'm sorry. The retina wasn't just detached. It was torn, too. That probably happened when you fell off that horse. It just made things worse. Right now we just don't know enough yet about retinas to repair it."
Her throat clamped shut so that she couldn't speak. She felt numb.
"If you could have waited a few more years to have your trouble, I might have been able to do more for you." His voice sounded tired, kinder than father's, and the words hung in the air in front of her, strange and hollow, like the echo of a great bell.
"You mean I won't be able to see, not ever?"
"I don't think so."
She had wondered how he might say it to her and now here it was, just like that: "I don't think we can do any better. I'm sorry." So it happened? It's over? That's it? Me? Me. He's talking to me. She couldn't swallow.
What if she hadn't moved her head? Or gotten out of bed? Would it have made a difference? She had to know. Her lips felt dry and she moistened them but she still couldn't ask. She didn't want him angry with her.
He just sat there without moving, his weight making her bed dip down. Her hand grew hot and sticky in his and she pulled it away. In the quiet she felt his helplessness cross the space between them, a feeling entirely new to her, and she understood that he was genuinely sad. For an instant everything else slid away and she felt sorry for him because he had to tell her he had failed.
"I've seen a lot already. Twelve years." Then it all rushed at her. She felt her bottom lip quiver, her eyes water, and she turned away. Why wouldn't he just go away so she could cry or scream or do something — she didn't know what. She held tight onto herself until she felt him get up from the bed.
How was she to know when she was actually alone? Anybody could be walking by the doorway. She didn't always hear their footsteps. It was like she still had the bandages on. Nothing seemed real. Not even this.
After a while there were muffled voices in the corridor. She strained to listen.
"I can't believe it. She didn't cry or anything when he told her. Just sat there like a stone statue."
"What did you expect?" That was Nurse Williams. "You don't really know her defeat just because she doesn't scream it. Let her be discreet about her grief. It's the New England way."
She felt watched. She slumped down in bed and pulled the covers over her head.
What did they expect? Screaming? Father would expect self-control. Just like his own. And Mother? Mother always said there was a reason for not expressing things that hurt. There might be less to feel. Maybe she could crowd it out by knowing she had behaved well.
What this would do to her life, she was afraid to guess. She could still go to dancing school. But why? Bobby and Don wouldn't ask her to dance, now. She felt stifled and shoved down the covers. Well, she could still go skating on the pond. You don't need a partner to skate. And if somebody helped her, she could still climb the apple tree. But she was never going down Kelly's Hill on a ripper again, or even on a sled. That was too scary even when she could see.
Some things wouldn't change. She still wanted to smoke in secret, that was sure, but with real cigarettes. She would ask Tready. Cousin Tready was a year older and she smoked Old Golds that she snitched from her father. She would ask her. Play cigarettes were kid things anyway, and kid things seemed foolish to her now.
That night, Nurse Williams kissed her goodnight and it shocked her. Miss Williams' fuzz on her lip tickled. She must have a moustache. The thought made her cry a little there, right in front of her.
"Now you try to go right to sleep, Jean."
"Was it sunny or cloudy today?"
"A little cloudy. Why?"
"Oh, nothing." She pulled the covers up under her chin. "Good night."
She wondered if the last day she had seen was sunny or cloudy. She wished she knew, but she couldn't remember. It was horrible that she couldn't remember.
When Father and Mother brought her to Harkness in the cushiony back seat of the Packard limousine five months earlier, it was fall. Then she could still see enough to know that Connecticut was blazing with orange and gold. Mother kept saying, "Look at the trees, Jean. Just look at those trees." She wished she had.
Now, a month after Dr. Wheeler took the bandages off, she rode home with her canary and cage wrapped in blankets on her right and her typewriter in its bulky case on her left. "It's snowing a little," Mother said. She heard her mother's voice as if for the first time. The words fell delicately, just like the downy whiteness she imagined falling along the roadside. She didn't answer. She was studying a new alphabet. Her fingers inched across a stiff, perforated page.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "What Love Sees"
by .
Copyright © 1996 Susan Vreeland.
Excerpted by permission of RosettaBooks.
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