Why Can't I Fix It?: The Questions We Ask When We Love Someone with Addiction

by Nathan Detering Narrated by Brian Conover

Overview

Why is this happening? How do you care for yourself and your family? If you are struggling with a loved one's addiction you are not alone. A compassionate resource for anyone stuck between a rock and a hard place.

When Rev. Nathan Detering shared the story of his brother's death from a drug overdose with the members of his congregation, many of them shared their own addiction stories with him. Realizing the healing power of sharing stories and questions in community, Rev. Detering conducted interviews to identify and address the common questions that haunt us when we love someone with addiction. In conversations both within and outside his community, he heard the palpable need for those struggling with a loved one's addictions to know they are not alone.

Weaving together his own and others' deeply felt experiences of addiction, Why Can't I Fix It? responds to sometimes desperate questions such as: Why is this happening? What can you do? What can't you do? How do you care for yourself and the rest of your family? Can you trust your community to support you and your family? While the answers to these questions aren't easily found, Why Can't I Fix It? encourages those of us who are struggling with a loved one's addictions to practice self-care and self-compassion, understand the cultural context for emotional responses and expectations of ourselves and others, and reach out for support.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Why Can't I Fix It? is exactly the book I needed as a child growing up in an alcoholic home. The personal stories and conversations helped me to make sense of how I carried the alcoholism and addiction I grew up with into my adult life. This book is essential reading for anyone who has struggled with the secrets we keep in families affected by addiction. It is a balm for the heart and mind.” —Lane-Mairead Campbell, co-editor of This Day in Recovery: 365 Meditations

“I believe that none of us is outside the circle of suffering. Through the sharing of personal story, Nathan Detering offers this much-needed examination of the shame, racism, and isolation of addiction that is silently embedded in our culture. He offers a compassionate response to our shared questions, gifting a theology of community and hope that together we all might receive healing.” —Katie Kandarian, co-editor of This Day in Recovery: 365 Meditations

Product Details

BN ID:	2940160154770
Publisher:	Unitarian Universalist Association
Publication date:	06/06/2023
Edition description:	Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

“I must confess that researching, interviewing for, and writing this book has been harder than I was prepared for. The stories I have heard brought back memories and resurfaced feelings I thought I had reckoned with or didn’t even know I had. The perspectives I heard from people outside my community have revealed to me just how much my and my congregation’s response to addiction has been shaped by whiteness and privilege. Much like the journey of companioning our loved ones in addiction crisis, the creation of this book has been a raw process marked with fresh sadness and fresh hurt. But it has also brought fresh hope.

Not long after Nick died, a friend shared with me a line from Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms: ‘The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.’ Addiction has broken so many families within our congregations and communities. It certainly broke mine. This book is about reckoning with that breakage, and then leaning into the work of helping the families in our communities get stronger at our broken places. I am glad that my Unitarian Universalist theology and spiritual practices can help us. In our congregation we light our chalice, we share our prayers of sorrow and joy, we come together in community to help us hold hope, we practice being the people the world and families need, we seek to establish the kingdom of Heaven here in this life instead of pinning our hopes on some other life, and we affirm that no one is beyond the reach of God’s love. Whether you are a member of my faith, of another, or of none, I hope that you too will find healing and hope in these pages.”

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