Table of Contents
Preface i
Year I
1 Lumpers and Splitters 3
2 Biker lycra siticus 16
3 Ed Abbey Had a Mountain Bike 23
4 Testiculatus 32
5 Weeds of the West 38
6 Beauty is as Beauty C'n Do 47
7 The Prostate Saver 52
8 The Bird that Eats Shit 59
9 Murderers, Fornicators, and Coffee Drinkers 65
10 Hardtail or Doublesprung? 69
11 6,047,086,034 6,047,086,035 74
12 This is True Worship 79
13 A Carbolic-Acid Enema 85
14 Lardass 94
15 Agnostic Praying Mantis 99
16 Little Column? 107
17 Empty Sockets, Sardonic Grin 115
Year II
18 A Pretty Decent Fall 123
19 Mistletoe Birds 129
20 Ecstatic Phenomenon 135
21 Sage Grouse Lek 142
22 Oblanceolate to Spatulate 149
23 Wicked Concoction 153
24 Mr. Nice Dick 161
25 Evolutionary Theater 168
26 Jesus is the Answer 177
27 Horny Goat Weed 184
28 As Common as Paradox, As Odd as Love 192
Year III
29 Strange Behaviors 201
30 Elderberry Melancholy 208
31 Do You Believe in Love? 216
32 Just the Stuff About Your Virility 222
33 Mr. Feelgood 229
34 Death Defying Act of Defiance 238
35 Nurses 246
36 Stories I'll Tell at Your Funeral 253
37 Transcendental Balance 260
38 Life's Essential Injustice 266
39 Standing in the Snow Thinking About Plums 273
40 I'll Bury Her Among Piñons 280
Year IV
41 Driving Off the Spleen 289
42 Draw Me No White Dresses on Corpses 298
43 Who Has Once Met Irony 303
44 A World of Yellow Scent 308
45 Happy Hour/Under God 316
46 Canvas for Paint, Paper for Ink 322
47 Too Old a Dog 328
48 God Stories 334
49 A Trillion, Trillion, Trillion Years 340
Year V
50 Not the End, Yet 353
Epilogue 361