Without Shame: The Addict's Mom and Her Family Share Their Stories of Pain and Healing

by Barbara Theodosiou

Overview

Barbara Theodosiou and her family reveal the pain, loss, and connection that emerge from addiction, trauma, codependency, and recovery in this unique view into the heart of a national crisis.

The ringing phone startles Barbara during another sleepless night. She knows it must be Daniel, her big-hearted, intelligent son who has spent years cycling through hospitals, jails, and treatment centers. Although Daniel’s childhood struggles started much earlier, he was sixteen when Barbara discovered he was horribly addicted to DXM, the drug found in many over-the-counter cough medicines. After picking up the pieces from one more of her son’s relapses, Barbara seeks support in the online refuge she created when she had nowhere else to turn: The Addict’s Mom. There, she can “Share Without Shame” with others who understand. These other mothers know that it can become normal to hope your son will be locked up so he isn’t sleeping on the street. These other moms understand how it feels to realize you have not just one addicted child but two—Barbara discovered her oldest son Peter’s addiction just six months after Daniel’s. And when that happens, sometimes all a mother can do is try to save herself.

But this isn’t just a mother’s story. Without Shame encompasses Daniel’s own poetry and prose, Peter’s story of healing against all odds, their sister Nicole’s story of balancing compassion and independence, and other often unheard voices. This multifaceted story reveals what it truly means to describe addiction as a family disease.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781616497798
Publisher:	Hazelden Publishing
Publication date:	02/25/2020
Pages:	170
Sales rank:	633,996
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.01(h) x 0.40(d)

About the Author

Barbara Theodosiou is a mother, activist, and the founder of The Addict’s Mom, an online community where tens of thousands of mothers with addicted children can “Share Without Shame.” Barbara has been widely recognized for her work as a family recovery advocate, including the receipt of a White House Champion of Change award in 2016.

Table of Contents

Editors' Note vii

1 Becoming an Addict's Mom 1

Nicole: Hindsight 6

Daniel: In Defining OK Poem 7

2 Motherhood 9

Rudy: Family 16

Peter: Invisible 18

Daniel: Me Poem 21

3 Daniel's Childhood 23

Nicole: Childhood 28

Peter: Damage 31

Daniel: Mother's Day Poem 34

4 Blue Mommy and Blue Peter 35

Peter: Treatment 39

Barbara: Letter to Daniel 41

Daniel: Letter to Mom 43

Nicole: Daniel and Peter 45

Rudy: Different 47

Barbara: Not a Miracle 48

5 Daniel's Addiction 49

Daniel: Dark Side of the Moon Poem 54

Nicole: Letter to Daniel 56

Daniel: Serenity Scene Journal Entry 58

Barbara: The Addicts Brother 59

Rudy: Daniel's Emancipation 60

Peter: Value 62

6 Cycle 65

Barbara: Contract 73

Daniel: Homeless in South Miami Journal Entry 75

Peter: No Trust 77

Barbara: Letter to Daniel 79

Nicole: Daniel Worsening 81

Barbara: Birthday 2014 83

Daniel: No Heaven Poem 85

7 Let Nothing Frighten You 89

Barbara: Forgive Everyone 92

Nicole: Grief 93

Peter: Turning Point 97

Daniel: tetter to Myself 100

8 The New Normal 101

Daniel: Letter to Alexander 105

Alex: Don't Let It Stop You 107

Daniel: Letter to Nicole 109

Nicole: Balance 110

Rudy: The Little Things 113

Peter: Find Your Mission 115

Daniel: Live for Your Family 118

9 Looking Ahead 121

Recommended Resources 127

Acknowledgments 133

About the Author 135

Family Photos 147

Editorial Reviews

Barbara Theodosiou pens a poignant memoir of her beloved son, Daniel, and his downward spiral into addiction. Theodosiou writes honestly about the roller-coaster of emotions that go along with being The Addicts Mom. Without Shame takes us behind closed doors, allowing us to see, feel, and experience the devastating impact that substance use disorders have on the entire family.

Lorelie Rozzano

I first met Barbara eleven years ago when our loved ones were in treatment together. Over the years, I watched her courageously teach an entire society that there is no shame in having a child with a substance use disorder or mental health issues. Barbara’s generosity and compassion have resulted in an internet following of over one-hundred thousand moms with children lost to addiction, still struggling, or recovered. She was always ahead of the curve when it came to understanding that addiction’s stigma must go. Her willingness to be honest at great personal sacrifice in a culture of shame will always be remembered, appreciated and admired.

Beverly Buncher

Millions of mothers struggle silently with an addicted son or daughter. In Without Shame, a candid account of the impact of addiction, Barbara pierces both silence and shame, and helps mothers know where to turn.

D’Anne Burwell

“Without Shame paints a unique, often heartbreaking picture of how a child’s addiction affects an entire family. Centered on Barbara Theodosiou’s anguished eight-year struggle to save her son Daniel from addiction, the narrative also brings in the voices of Daniel’s siblings and stepfather, who share the pain, frustration, and resentment they all experienced during those difficult years. We also hear from Daniel himself, who reveals his inner turmoil through the poems and letters he left behind. Like Theodosiou’s organization, The Addict’s Mom, this book will be a source of insight, comfort, and support for anyone impacted by a loved one’s addiction, assuring readers that they are not alone. Although a tragic tale that’s all too familiar in today’s America, Without Shame is ultimately a story of a family’s love and the long path to healing.

Beverly Conyers

I am so grateful for Barbara’s courage to begin The Addict’s Mom (TAM) and to share her story. TAM was the first support group I ever encountered, and I remember staying up for hours enthralled with reading because I couldn’t believe so many were like me. It brought me the strength of a sisterhood with people I had never met, yet connected with on a level no one can understand, unless you have been in our shoes. A few years later, I also began to share my own journey publicly, and I don’t think I could have done that without being able to share without shame in TAM. Thank you, Barbara, for being a change maker in a world afraid of change.

Katie Donovan

In the pages of Without Shame, Barbara Theodosiou stitches together her family’s stories of pain and healing—a patchwork of scars and mending hearts. Sharing patterns and perspectives, thoughts and feelings, her words wrap like an old quilt around the shoulders of other moms with addicted children, with the powerful warmth of truth and strength.

Sandy Swenson

The heartbreakingly familiar story of the devastation of addiction told by the pioneer of online family support.

Maureen Cavanagh

Millions of mothers struggle silently with an addicted son or daughter. In Without Shame, a candid account of the impact of addiction, Barbara pierces both silence and shame, and helps mothers know where to turn.

D’Anne Burwell