Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife: Not Just Surviving But Thriving

by Barbara K. McNally

Overview

Imagine sending your spouse to war with a heavy heart, then receiving a life-shattering phone call telling you he’s been badly injured. Your beloved returns to your arms, but changed, broken, angry, conflicted, and in need of around-the-clock care. What do you do?

Meet the women who drew upon their inner resilience and prevailed. Their vivid personal accounts provide inspiration to those who face daunting challenges, and offer a path forward. Each one of these brave, strong military spouses shares her personal tale of reuniting, recovering, and rebuilding with her catastrophically wounded warrior.

Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife offers an intimate look into the chaotic and demanding lives of military spouses as they adjust to living with injured combat veterans. These women are thrust into caretaker roles for service members who return home with amputated limbs, brain injuries, burns, and disabilities, with virtually no support or training. Posttraumatic stress tears their families apart, and they must wrestle with huge, imposing questions: Does he still love me? Must I sacrifice my career forever? How will this affect my kids, my sex life, my happiness?

Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife reveals the innermost thoughts of women who faced these challenges and prevailed—to not just survive, but thrive.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781633932876
Publisher:	Koehler Books
Publication date:	09/15/2016
Pages:	228
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.48(d)

About the Author

Barbara McNally is the author of Unbridled: A Memoir, a member of San Diego Writers Ink, and an active blog contributor to the Huffington Post. A licensed physical therapist, she has helped people from all walks of life, including veterans, recover and regain their strength. This work also connected her with the spouses of wounded warriors and hearing their stories inspired her to launch the Barbara McNally Foundation, which is dedicated to offering workshops, seminars and scholarships that enhance the lives of women. The foundation also cosponsors Support, Purpose, and Appreciation (SPA) Days for the spouses of wounded warriors, offering caregivers a much-needed day of relaxation and self-care. Barbara is dedicated to helping women access their personal strengths and potential, and finds her work incredibly energizing and rewarding.

Table of Contents

Foreword xiii



Preface xvi



Introduction 1



1. Why Is My Husband So Angry? Dealing with



Posttraumatic Stress 4



Julie: I Will Quiet the Unheard Screams 9



Jane: I Will Heal Your Shattered Soul 16



2. Traumatic Brain Injury: My Husband’s Mind



and Memory Hijacked 22



Shannon: Nothing Else Matters 26



Katy: Not Okay 33



3. Living with Iron Man: Visible Injuries



Compound the Situation 40



Fiona: Making Life without Limbs Limitless 43



Jacqui: From Torn Limbs to Full Heart 50



Carla: Uninvited, Unwelcome, Unfriended 57



4. A Reason to Live: The Suicide Epidemic 65



Suzie: Unconquered 70



Sheila: Keeping Faith 78



Lexi: Miracle of a Daughter’s Wish 84



5. Sexuality: Battlefields to Bedrooms 91



Kelly: Kissing and Telling 99



Kendal: Taking the Reins 105



6. Stay or Go? 115



Amy: The Guilt of Going 120



Mary: Options 123



7. Not Just Surviving but Thriving:



Posttraumatic Growth 131



Mai: Making Margaritas out of Lemonade 135



Natasha: A Constantly Challenging Endeavor



Fuels Inner Fire 140



Jenny: Silver Linings 146



Grief Growth 154



8. Wounded Warrior Women 159



Tammy: Saving Oneself, Saving Others 163



Olivia: Allowing Tragedy to Shape Success 167



9. The Healing Power of Storytelling:



Reasons to Tell Your Story 172



Tips on Getting Started 176



Epilogue 177



Acknowledgments 181



Appendices



Appendix I: Suggested Questions for



Book Discussions 186



Chapter 1: Why Is My Husband So Angry? 186



Chapter 2: Traumatic Brain Injury 188



Chapter 3: Living with Iron Man 188



Chapter 4: A Reason to Live 189



Chapter 5: Sexuality 190



Chapter 6: Stay or Go? 190



Chapter 7: Not Just Surviving but Thriving 191



Chapter 8: Wounded Warrior Women 192



Appendix II: Resources 193



Veteran and Governmental Service



Organizations 195



Caregiving Resources 197



Nonprofit Service Organizations 199



Therapeutic Services 201



References 203

Editorial Reviews

01/30/2017
Physical therapist and debut author McNally, writing in heart-wrenching detail, outlines the bitter joy that comes with being a wife of a wounded military service member. Each of the book’s selected stories illustrates phases of the recovery process from the perspective of a veteran’s wife. The author frankly discusses anger, traumatic brain injuries, suicide, and other issues. Challenges with sexuality fill a deeply honest chapter. McNally cites findings that post-9/11 military caregivers are more likely to be young (more than 40% are between 18 and 30), veterans of military service themselves, working, and without a support network. “With little warning and almost no training, these women have learned to serve their families as full-time caregivers while their partners try to recover from broken bones, lost limbs, severe head injuries, and other unspeakable assaults on their bodies and beings,” she writes. McNally describes becoming aware of this issue after witnessing a veteran’s suicide. Along with her own insights, she also shares the sage advice of a number of mental health professionals, meant as a lifeline to caregivers struggling to understand their loved ones’ issues. After more than a decade of Americans fighting battles on multiple fronts, this is a deeply necessary and poignant offering. (BookLife)

Publishers Weekly

“Through the stories she shares in this book, Barbara McNally helps us understand a topic that nobody wants to talk about. Nobody, that is, except for the millions of women who haven’t had a voice.”



—Laura Bauer, Rosalynn Carter Foundation, www.rosalynncarter.org

"Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife gives a much-needed voice to the 5.5 million hidden heroes across the country who care for our nation’s wounded warriors. Through these stories, Barbara McNally provides an insightful and moving look at the unique challenges caregivers face on a daily basis and inspires us all to take action."



—Steve Schwab, Executive Director, the Elizabeth Dole Foundation

“Barbara’s approach on Sexuality through a very genuine dialogue of women experiencing challenges with intimacy was a high point for me. As a clinician that works with those living with a disability, this relatable chapter will be a major reference in practice. She clearly points out the importance of knowing that you are not the only one needing an alternate solutions to reclaiming intimacy. I was overwhelmed by the stories of resiliency and creativity!”



—Nicole J. Johnson, MSW, MA, LCSW; US Department of Veteran Affairs

“It’s critical that caregivers have the opportunity to share their stories and Wounded Warrior Wounded Wife covers everything from personal stories to practical and useful advice. There is often no acknowledgment for caregivers. Barbara gives a voice to many who have never been heard. Thank you Barbara for promoting health, wellness, and stress reduction among caregivers and ultimately preventing caregiver burnout.”



—Sara Boz, PhD,



operationhomefront.net, www.heartsofvalor.org

“I applaud Barbara McNally for bringing greater attention and awareness to a subject that so many struggle with. Through the stories and inspiration in her book, Wounded Warrior Wounded Wife, we see the opportunity to find healing at the end of an often very dark tunnel.”



—Dave Towe, Executive Director, Wave Academy, www.waveacademy.org

“Very inspiring and encouraging—a must-read for those who are caregivers for our wounded warriors. Especially loved the story of Mai and Lanh!”



—Penny Lambright, Founder, Patriots & Paws, www.patriotsandpaws.org

“A captivating ride through tragedy, trauma, resiliency, and strength of our amazing military caregivers. Our stories are our heartbeat, the threads that bind us together now and through the generations. Barbara has allowed these amazing women an opportunity to not only share their stories, but also a chance to evaluate and rewrite when necessary. Stories of weakness have become stories of strength. Stories of hopelessness have shifted into stories of survival. Her passion and desire to matter are evident through her writing, her mission, and her actions. A must read."



—Dr. Jude Black LPC, NCC, CEO | Founder E-Therapy Café™ www.e-therapycafe.com

“Barbara McNally shines the spotlight on the 1.1 million Post-9/11 military and veteran caregivers who so often live in the shadows. The women featured in this book are unsung heroes, that face daily challenges, caring for their families that have been forever changed by the wars. Kudos to Ms.McNally for elevating the visibility of military and veteran caregivers everywhere.”



—Lorie Van Tilburg, Executive Director, Southern Caregiver Resource Center www.caregivercenter.org

From the Publisher