You Know You're Fifty When

by Richard Smith

Overview

Whether you’re over the hill, approaching the hill, or rolling down it, this is the ultimate guide to life after 50—so get your readers and settle in!
 
Getting closer to the big Five-O? Know someone who is? Sure, 50 might be a scary number, but it’s also a state of mind, an opportunity to drape an afghan over your shoulders when you’re chilly or start enjoying cruises.
 
For anyone in denial about reaching the half-century milestone, New York Times bestselling author Richard Smith clues you in on certain signs that you can’t ignore. Because even if you feel like you’re at the top of your game, you know you’re 50 when . . .
 
• Blowing up balloons gets you winded.
• You start jogging with an ID.
• It can take up to fifteen minutes to climb out of a hammock.
• “Staying power” refers to remaining awake through Cats.
• You think menopause entitles you to park in a handicap zone.
• Your tailor diplomatically suggests it’s time to let out your barbecue apron.
• You actually start to obey the “Don’t Walk” signal.
• Florida starts looking good.
 
So go ahead and blow your retirement savings on cruises, trips to Paris, and plastic surgery—you’ve got another 50 years to go!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780307788917
Publisher:	Crown Publishing Group
Publication date:	03/30/2011
Sold by:	Random House
Format:	eBook
Pages:	128
File size:	7 MB

About the Author

Richard Smith was a New York Times bestselling author whose books and calendars appear in many languages. His works include The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex, Your Cat's Just Not That Into You, You Know You're 60 When . . ., Everything I Need to Know I Learned from My Dog, and the Bad Cat calendar series.

Read an Excerpt

You Know You're 50 When . . .


“You’re only as old as he feels.” —51-year-old divorcée discussing her new personal trainer

How do you know when you’re approaching 50? For most of us, it’s simple, like consulting a birth certificate or realizing that, lately, it’s taking a bit longer to touch up those roots. For others, it’s more subtle—like growing misty-eyed upon hearing the Beatles sing “Yesterday” or trying to recall where your gum line was the day Nixon resigned. Happily, however, reaching 50 is not so bad. Not only does it mean you survived your forties, but it confers certain privileges. You get to do really cool things, like join the AARP, drape a natty afghan over your shoulders when you feel a chill, and spend your kids’ inheritance on cruises, trips to Paris, and liposuction. Wrinkles now become “laugh lines,” and, best of all, tactful friends start putting only one candle on your birthday cakes, thus sparing you the effort of blowing out fifty at once.

Actually, deciding whether you’re 50 is easy. Determining which type of 50 you are—Typical (the blood rushes to your head when you try to open a stuck window) or Youthful (you still watch MTV, but in wingtips)—may be a problem. We hope these pages will help.