You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity

by Don McPherson

Overview

Former NFL quarterback McPherson examines the roots of masculinity gone awry and how it promotes violence against women.

"An essential exploration of what’s holding men and sports back--and how to overcome it."
--Washington Post

"A crucial read for anyone interested in learning more about how sports culture informs limited definitions of masculinity, and how such definitions are destructive for boys and men, and dangerous to girls and women. Don McPherson, a former NFL and college quarterback, urges readers to think critically about the unfair expectations society sets based on gender, and how to upend them."
--The Undefeated, one of The Undefeated's Can't Miss Books of 2019

"You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity by former NFL quarterback Don McPherson is an examination of society's traditional definition of masculinity and how this narrow focus creates blind spots that hinder the healthy development of men. Using examples from his own life, McPherson dissects the strict beliefs and unspoken rules that define our views of manhood, the behaviors of masculinity we instill in growing boys, and how the resulting lack of emotional wholeness can lead to violence against women. He passionately advocates against the dangers of viewing such violence as strictly a 'women's issue.' Instead, he argues that the toxicity of the traditional views of masculinity are ultimately culpable."
--The Advocate

"McPherson does not malign masculinity. Moreover, he does not seed guilt and shame unto boys. Thankfully, there is no blind hagiography of women and wanton vilification of men. Masculinity is natural, healthy, and undeniable...Soundly and clearly articulated, McPherson has emerged as a measured voice in an oftentimes kinetic and unsettling narrative...Highly recommended."
--Jamaica Gleaner

"The Central New York community knows Don McPherson as the Hall-Of-Fame quarterback who led the 1987 SU football team to an undefeated season. But for the past 27 years, he's also been working on publishing a book that tackles the tough issue of how boys are traditionally raised with macho stereotypes that impacts sexual and domestic violence."
--Bridge Street (WYSR 9, Syracuse, NY)

"Former SU Quarterback Don McPherson isn't fighting for yards or touchdowns, he's in the fight to reduce violence against women. He just published a book, You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity."
--WAER (Syracuse University 88.3 FM, Syracuse, NY)

"[McPherson] is also out with a new book entitled You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity. In it, McPherson examines his own life experiences and how they impacted his perception of what it was to be a man."
--CNY Central (NBC3 Syracuse, NY)

In You Throw Like a Girl, former Syracuse University quarterback and NFL veteran Don McPherson examines how the narrow definition of masculinity adversely impacts women and creates many "blind spots" that hinder the healthy development of men. Dissecting the strict set of beliefs and behaviors that underpin our understanding of masculinity, he contends that we don't raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women.

Using examples from his own life, including his storied football career, McPherson passionately argues that viewing violence against women as a "women's issue" not just ignores men's culpability but conflates the toxicity of men's violence with being male. In You Throw Like a Girl, McPherson leads us beyond the blind spots and toward solutions, analyzing how we can engage men in a sustained dialogue, with a new set of terms that are aspirational and more accurately representative of the emotional wholeness of men.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781617757860
Publisher:	Akashic Books
Publication date:	05/26/2021
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	196
Sales rank:	367,401
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Don McPherson--an All-America quarterback at Syracuse University who went on to play professionally in the NFL and Canada--began his work on gender-based violence prevention in 1994 at Northeastern University's Center for the Study of Sport in Society. He has served on the boards of the Ms. Foundation for Women, the NCAA Sexual Assault Task Force, and the NCAA Board of Governors Commission to Combat Campus Sexual Violence. His educational programs and lectures have reached over one million people in more than three hundred colleges and communities throughout North America.

Don McPherson landed in the national spotlight as the heroic quarterback who led Syracuse University to an undefeated season in 1987. He followed this with stints with the Philadelphia Eagles and the Houston Oilers in the NFL, before concluding his football career in the Canadian Football League. Upon retiring from football in 1994 at age twenty-nine, McPherson has dedicated his life to helping reduce men's violence against women.

As McPherson probed his past to understand what it means to be a man, he unearthed the language of shame, bravado, and stoic posturing, quintessentially captured by the insult "You throw like a girl," which succinctly illustrates the foundation of men's violence against women: the belief that girls and women are somehow "less than." This led to a deeper, inescapable truth that we do not raise boys to be men; we instead raise them not to be women--or gay men.

Here, McPherson examines the strict set of behaviors and beliefs that he calls the mandate, performance, promise, and lie of masculinity, and arrives at the following question: if male privilege comes at the expense of women, is it truly privilege (and does it belong to men?), or is it more accurately defined as oppression?

The violence committed by athletes like NFL stars Ray Rice and Kareem Hunt might fit a familiar narrative of "violent black men" and entitled athletes. Similarly, the sexual abuse and misconduct by powerful and wealthy men from Hollywood to Congress is so commonplace that their cover-ups and hush money are held in greater disdain than their original crimes against women. Yet in each case, we fail to examine masculinity; we simply look away.

Using examples from his own life, including his storied football career, McPherson passionately argues that we should no longer consider this a "women's issue" but a "men's issue." In You Throw Like a Girl, McPherson analyzes how we can engage men in a sustained dialogue, with a new set of terms that are aspirational and more accurately representative of the emotional wholeness of men. If we do this honestly and courageously, McPherson says, we will find the depths of our humanity: vulnerability, fear, insecurity, and love.

Table of Contents

Introduction 9

Chapter 1 Black Man with Privilege 25

Chapter 2 Twenty-Nine 52

Chapter 3 Hyperbole and Myth 75

Chapter 4 Be a Man 100

Chapter 5 You Throw Like a Girl 121

Chapter 6 A Men's Issue 140

Chapter 7 Traditions of Silence 166

Chapter 8 The "Streets" in the Pocket 188

Conclusion: Be Your Son's Father, Not Your Father's Son 206

Editorial Reviews

★ 08/01/2019

One of the outstanding quarterbacks of his generation, McPherson (b. 1965) pursued a postfootball career as an advocate for gender-based violence prevention. Incorporating his experiences as an African American man, this authorial debut examines what McPherson terms blind spots of masculinity: attitudes and subtle messages that undermine a healthy equality for women and an accurate self-image for men. He builds a convincing case for addressing the existing patriarchal ideal and offers thoughtful language and guidelines for raising sensitivity in young boys and men. Sports fans may pick this up to learn about a renowned quarterback, but his message of inspiration goes beyond the gridiron. This is a call to action that has the potential to provoke conversation and change, and is a unique crossover of sports memoir and astute social commentary. VERDICT From success as a football player to his mission as a feminist and educator, McPherson has spent decades sharing his story and advocating for a new definition of manhood. This timely and coherent study of gender roles is highly recommended for all public library collections.—Janet Davis, Darien P.L., CT

Library Journal

07/01/2019

Former NFL quarterback McPherson’s memoir is a “thorough self-scouting” that challenges men to consider violence against women as a men’s issue, and to pivot toward a “conversation among men about the aspiration and essential values of masculinity.” McPherson sees boys being raised with a primary mandate to avoid being girls or gay men and to be tough, silent, and stoic—an essentially misogynistic approach that also, he writes, limits men’s emotional growth and sense of accountability. He recounts his transition from celebrity athlete to educator at age 29, which prompted realizations that privilege and gendered expectations had a greater impact on him than the racism he had experienced. McPherson is critical of the abusive language of sports motivation; of the team loyalty that leads men to protect peers who commit assault; and of the “bare minimum effort” style of allyship that promotes protective chivalry and violence for supposedly good causes and approaches problem solving “as if experience is the source of the problem.” Instead, McPherson wants readers to begin to understand that traditional masculinity is a burden to boys and men, and to help change the narrative handed down to them. Though McPherson’s vision is neither unique nor perfectly articulated, this is a valuable contribution to the new choir of traditionally masculine men reevaluating themselves on their own terms. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"McPherson’s insight and unique perspective as a Black athlete and activist trying to reduce men’s violence against women are likely to find a receptive audience across genders. Drawing from personal and real-life experiences, McPherson explores issues of privilege and sexism. He reminds us that while voices of women must be heard, it will remain a one-sided ‘women’s issue’ unless men are engaged, too. With sports as a relatable backdrop, this book makes an important contribution to broadening our understanding of toxic expressions of masculinity."

Booklist

"McPherson does not malign masculinity. Moreover, he does not seed guilt and shame unto boys. Thankfully, there is no blind hagiography of women and wanton vilification of men. Masculinity is natural, healthy, and undeniable . . . Soundly and clearly articulated, McPherson has emerged as a measured voice in an oftentimes kinetic and unsettling narrative . . . Highly recommended."

Jamaica Gleaner

"[Don McPherson is a] quarterback for a wider community."

Newsday

"After playing professional football for seven years, McPherson has spent the majority of his life advocating for social justice, using his influence to discuss issues like violence against women and bullying."
—Syracuse Sports Podcast with Brent Axe

Included in Publishers Weekly's African-American Interest Adult Titles, 2019–2020!

"It's unlikely that Don McPherson, an All-American college quarterback who also played for the Philadelphia Eagles and Houston Oilers in the NFL and in the Canadian Football League, knew that his shining athletic career would merely be the prelude to his most impressive act of leadership—his life's work helping men and boys find the courage and skills to become healthier and more well-rounded human beings. He's been working to transform manhood and masculinity for the past three decades."
—Voice Male Magazine

"This is a call to action that has the potential to provoke conversation and change, and is a unique crossover of sports memoir and astute social commentary. From success as a football player to his mission as a feminist and educator, McPherson has spent decades sharing his story and advocating for a new definition of manhood. This timely and coherent study of gender roles is highly recommended."
—Library Journal, Starred Review

"McPherson's insight and unique perspective as a Black athlete and activist trying to reduce men's violence against women are likely to find a receptive audience across genders. Drawing from personal and real-life experiences, McPherson explores issues of privilege and sexism. He reminds us that while voices of women must be heard, it will remain a one-sided 'women's issue' unless men are engaged, too. With sports as a relatable backdrop, this book makes an important contribution to broadening our understanding of toxic expressions of masculinity."
—Booklist

"McPherson wants readers to begin to understand that traditional masculinity is a burden to boys and men, and to help change the narrative handed down to them...This is a valuable contribution to the new choir of traditionally masculine men reevaluating themselves on their own terms."
—Publishers Weekly

"One of the outstanding quarterbacks of his generation, McPherson pursued a postfootball career as an advocate for gender-based violence prevention. Incorporating his experiences as an African American man, this authorial debut examines what McPherson terms blind spots of masculinity: attitudes and subtle messages that undermine a healthy equality for women and an accurate self-image for men."
—Library Journal, an Essential Title of 2019

"The thing that makes this book particularly compelling is McPherson's personal journey, his honesty about how this culture of masculinity shaped his life, and the burden of this. His examples both from his playing days and in his violence prevention work call to mind in the male reader similar experiences, and the tough exterior one learns to put on to not be thought a sissy, a girl."
—Bob on Books

"You Throw Like a Girl is one of the most important books ever written by a former elite male athlete. Don McPherson's willingness to look inward and share his insights and experiences on and off the field represents an invaluable contribution to the growing literature about the ways in which limited definitions of 'manhood' cause immeasurable harm to women and men alike."
—Jackson Katz, author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

"I have had the good fortune of interviewing and working with Don McPherson many times over the years. His voice and candor in talking about his own journey and the necessary changes we need to raise healthy and whole men and boys is so compelling and powerful. This thoughtful and inspiring book is an important contribution to this timely conversation. I am grateful for Don McPherson's voice, as a feminist and activist for ending violence against women, and as an advocate for reimagining masculinity."
—Marianne Schnall, journalist, founder of Feminist.com and WhatWillItTake.com, author of What Will It Take to Make a Woman President?

"Don McPherson wrestles with one of the most important questions of our time and one that we have to face head-on in today's world: what does it mean to be a man? He talks of courage, love, fatherhood, and growing up. Men don't face this question in a thoughtful way and the result is that we are coming up short. Don's book helps us to take that journey to real masculinity, not the stereotypical and sometimes dangerous version we see on social media and in film."
—Mike Rawlings, mayor of Dallas, Texas

"In You Throw Like a Girl, Don McPherson explores more than his own place in the masculine testosterone-driven world of football. He takes the societal norms and boundaries placed on so many men and asks the simple but inevitable question, why? He tackles the critical issues of sports, privilege, and gender that have come to define generations of athletes and transcend sports, in an effort to show us all a better way."
—Jon Frankel, correspondent, HBO's Real Sports

"Don McPherson has spent his adult life working to change the perception that girls and women are 'less than men'...Don is not afraid to discuss the tough issues related to masculinity and sexism. He challenges men to join the fight for gender equality by being ever-growing allies to women. This is a must read."
—Richard Lapchick, director of the Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport

"[Don McPherson is a] quarterback for a wider community."
—Newsday

From the Publisher