Zwarkowski and the Show and Tell Collection

by Cija Holt

Overview

Kids can be gross, and Nathan Zwarkowski is your typical third grader.  He's got a funny way of looking at things.  He uses his imagination to gather up some pretty silly show and tell collections.  Find out  what his special show and tell collection turns out to be!

This is the first of the Zwarkowski series.  Make sure you check out more Zwarkowski titles as they are released!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781452041759
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	07/30/2010
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	48
File size:	1 MB

Read an Excerpt

Zwarkowski and the Show and Tell Collection

---

By Cija Holt

AuthorHouse

Copyright © Cija Holt 2010
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-4173-5

---

Chapter One

My Famous Show and Tell Collection

Today was my day for show and tell. Mrs. Blue told us we would have different days for show and tell depending on the first letter of our last name. My name is Nathan Zwarkowski; that's why I'm one of the last to have show and tell. I don't find this upsetting, because I can see what everyone else has before it's my turn. This week, I am going to surprise everyone with my show and tell!

We get to do show and tell just before lunch every day. Mrs. Blue called my name to come up to do my show and tell. I just knew she would be so proud of me. My mom gave me a jar last year to start my collection, and I always kept it under my bed so I could get it out whenever I needed it. She told me she was sick and tired of finding my collection all over my bedroom wall, so she gave me a jar to keep them all in.

"Okay, class," said Mrs. Blue. "It's Nathan's turn for show and tell. Please give him your attention."

So I smiled and pulled my jar out from my back pack and showed them my yearlong collection of boogers.

"Nathan, what is that?" asked Mrs. Blue.

"It's my yearlong collection of boogers," I proudly said. And with a big smile, I held it up high for everyone to see.

"Eeeeewwwww!" all the girls gasped.

I don't know why I ended up in Mr. Sneed's office. I didn't hurt anyone or call anyone names. I guess Mrs. Blue thought he'd want to see my collection too. Mr. Sneed was our school principle. "Nathan, what's this I hear about a booger collection?" asked Mr. Sneed.

"Oh! I knew you'd want to see it too!" I said excitedly. So I pulled my jar out and set it on his desk right in front of him. I was so proud of it. Mom came to pick me up from school fifteen minutes later. I bet Mr. Sneed was telling her how neat my collection was and how proud of me he was. I had to wait outside the office while he talked to my mom.

Mom was so angry with me for bringing my collection to school. I don't know why, since she was the one who gave me the jar to start my collection. Mom kept telling me that the only reason she gave me the jar was to keep me from wiping them on my wall by my bed. She told me to never again take something like that to school for everyone to see.

When we got home, I asked her for another jar to start a different collection. This one would make her happier. I would not let her down again-even though I think the class liked my booger collection. At least the boys did; they all laughed when the girls said, "Eeeeewwwww!"

Chapter Two

We Get Revenge

A girl named Andie lives on my street, and sometimes after school I go to her house to play because she makes me laugh. Andie has big, brown eyes, and she taught me how to make sad eyes to get my mom to give in when I want something. So far, it's worked, because Mom gave me a new jar for my new collection.

Andie has a big sister who likes to pick on her. She asked me to help her get back at her sister one day, so we came up with a plan. When her big sister was outside, we cut her favorite Barbie's hair. She wasn't very happy with us, and so she told her mom on us.

Mom came over to get me after Andie's mom called and told on me. Those sad eyes didn't work this time. I wasn't allowed to go over to play for a week. It was so boring, so I worked on my new collection all that week.

When Mom called me downstairs for dinner, I thought I was gonna puke. She had made okra. I hate okra. It's so slimy in my mouth, and it always wants to come right back out. Mom said I had to eat at least one bite of it before I could leave the table. When she wasn't looking, I took it out of my mouth and tossed it onto the floor where Gracie was sitting. Gracie is my dog. Gracie tried to eat it, but it came right back out of her mouth too, and I got in trouble when Mom saw it. She sent me to bed early for that little stunt.

It's so hard being a kid these days. I think my mom has radar vision and sees every little thing I do. I sat in my bed that night thinking of what I wanted to do tomorrow when I went to school. First I'd get on the school bus and sit in the seat over the back tire. That's my favorite seat. I get to feel all the big bumps, and sometimes I get bumped off my seat and into the air. That always makes me laugh. One time, my bus driver went over a bump so fast that the kids in the back hit their heads on the ceiling of the bus. I think they were on their feet when that happened, because I've sat back there and it never happened to me. The bus driver pulled the bus over, and they all got in trouble. That's why I sit in the tire seat; I don't want to get in trouble like the rest of the kids in the back. I already get in enough trouble.

Chapter Three

The Playground

The next day at recess, the third-graders were playing when all of a sudden the cafeteria doors opened. We all watched as some fifth-graders came out, and we were scared because those kids were a lot bigger than us. There was a boy named Bart that everyone was scared of because he has big muscles. We had seen him pick on some of the kids in our class before, so we tried to stay away from him.

My whole class found some bushes to hide behind. Bart was too smart. He found us all right away. He told us to get out of those bushes or he would tell on us. I ran out, and when I did, he grabbed my sleeve. My face started getting kinda wet, and my hands felt kind of slippery. I think that means I was nervous. Bart took me by the sleeve to the merry-go-round and made me sit down.

He asked me if my name was Zwarkowski, and I nodded my head really fast to say yes. He started laughing right away, and I didn't understand why. "I heard about your show and tell. Can I borrow it to play a prank on my friends?" he asked me. I told him I would have to find it because my mom took it from the principle and hid it when we got home.

All my friends were still hiding in the bushes with their hands over their mouths, watching me and Bart talking. I think they were scared for me too.

Bart took my face in his hands, put a really mean look on his face, and said, "You better pretend I was mean to you so your friends still think I'm mean." My face was dry again, and I told him I would. When Bart walked away, I started crying on purpose so my friends would think Bart was really mean to me.

My friends came over to me just before the recess bell rang and told me how brave I was. They asked me what he said that was so mean. I said that if I told them, he would beat me up. My friends' eyes got really big, and they said, "Wow!" Inside, my tummy felt like it had some jumping beans in it because I was holding in my giggles. Bart wasn't really mean, he just pretended to be mean. I had a new fifth-grade friend and decided not to tell my third-grade friends about it. I pretended he was mean.

Chapter Four

Looking for My Collection

When I got home from school that day, I was on a mission. I had to find that jar of boogers so Bart could play that prank on the fifth-grade girls. Even though I didn't think Bart was really mean, I didn't want to find out what would happen if I didn't show up with the jar the next day.

I started looking under the kitchen counters because I've found some pretty interesting stuff under there before. Once, I found one of my old socks that I thought the washing machine ate. I didn't know how it got there; I figured it must have walked there all by itself. I also found some of Gracie's dog treats under the kitchen cupboard one time, so I put them all in her dog bowl.

I thought Mom would have been proud of me for feeding Gracie, but she wasn't. Gracie got sick on the living room floor, and Mom had to clean it up. When she found out that I put all of Gracie's dog treats in her bowl, she got angry with me and I had to clean up the backyard of Gracie's waste. Mom said that waste is what comes out of a dog or person after they eat. And since dogs don't like to waste food, sometimes they eat the waste. I saw Gracie do it one time. Not wasting the food made her so happy that when Dad came home, she went up and licked his face and wagged her tail really fast. I don't mind wasting food. I'm not going to eat what I've wasted. Never ever!

Back on my mission. The jar was not under the kitchen counters, so I went upstairs to look under the bathroom counters. It wasn't under my parents' counter in their bathroom. I checked my bathroom too. No luck. I looked in my toy box. Nope. I almost decided to give up and went to jump on my bed, but I fell on the floor instead. I didn't make it. Guess what I found? Mom put my jar back under my bed, next to my other jar. "Yahoooo!" I yelled.

"Nathan, what's going on up there?" Mom called from the living room.

"Oh, nothing, Mom!" I yelled back down to her. Now I had to come up with a plan to get it in my backpack so I could take it to school without my mom noticing it was missing. I went downstairs and got my backpack. I took it up to my room so that in the morning, just before I left for school, I could put it in my backpack and take it with me. Before I went to bed that night, I added a couple more to the jar. Goodnight!

Chapter Five

Handing Over the Collection

When I got to school that morning, a boy named Scott came up to me. He was a fifth-grader too. "Bart sent me to get the jar, so hand it over, shrimp," he said to me. I got scared because he was so tall and I had to look up really high to see his face. He didn't even have a smile on his face. I pulled the jar out from my backpack and handed it to Scott. "Later," he said as he hurried away.

I went to class looking around for Bart, but my friends stopped me and asked what I gave to Scott. I told them it was none of their business and to leave me alone. I walked the rest of the way to class very sad. I didn't know what they were going to do, but I had a bad feeling about it.

Mrs. Blue saw that I was sad and asked me what was wrong. I didn't answer her. I just sat there with my head down.

"He got picked on by the fifth-graders!" shouted Maria.

Mrs. Blue asked me if that was true, but I didn't want to lie more than I already had, so I just sat there with those sad eyes that my friend Andie taught me how to make. "If you give me the names of the fifth-graders that picked on you, I will take care of it," said Mrs. Blue. I shook my head no. "I understand that you're scared, Nathan, but let me help you," she said in a loving voice. Wow, those sad eyes really work well. I can use them on anyone, not just my mom and dad.

"Okay, class, let's get your math books out and leave Nathan alone until he's ready to let us help," Mrs. Blue said to the class. Just as Mrs. Blue sat down at her desk, Emily came and gave me a big hug and then went back to her desk. This was going to work out really well. I couldn't wait to find out what Bart and Scott were going to do with my collection. It was hard to be patient.

We did our math work and then got ready to go to lunch. We lined up at the door, and I got a couple more hugs from my friends. They felt really sorry for me. It was hard having to pretend that I got picked on, because I really didn't. I wanted to tell my friends so badly, but I kept my mouth shut until recess. My friends finally got me to talk, but I didn't talk about Bart and Scott. I talked about what we were all bringing to the next show and tell. I told them I had a new collection I was going to bring. They laughed and asked me what it was. I told them it was a secret. They didn't like that, but they didn't keep asking me after that.

Chapter Six

Prank on the Fifth-Grade Girls

Bart and Scott were talking together before class. "Did you get it from Zwarkowski?" asked Bart.

"Yes, the little shrimp looked scared; it was so funny!" answered Scott. They continued talking, and Scott pulled out the jar for Bart to see. Most of the collection was old and hard, so Scott suggested they add some water to it to make all of the boogers squishy and slimy. They took the jar over to the lab table and added just enough water to make everything in the jar wet.

"Who didn't finish their biology homework?" asked their teacher. The two boys just barely sat down before she looked their way.

"Phew!" they both whispered. A couple seconds sooner, and they would have been caught. They hid the jar in Bart's backpack until the assignment was given.

Today they were going to dissect a frog. Everyone had a partner to help dissect with since they didn't have enough frogs for everyone to have their own. Bart and Scott were lucky to have been picked as partners. Most of the class was standing at their tables with gloves, a mask, and goggles on. No one was paying any attention to Scott and Bart. Even the teacher was busy helping a few of the students who were getting sick over the smell.

Bart grabbed the booger jar out of his bag, and Scott opened the lid. It didn't smell nearly as bad as those frogs. While everyone was working on their frogs, Bart and Scott sneaked around to all the girls' chairs in class and poured the slimy, icky boogers on them. No one even saw them do it. They had time to get back to their frog and start dissecting it before their teacher walked over to their lab table to check on them.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Bree, who was wearing a skirt. All the boogers from her chair were all over the back of her skirt, and some were stuck to her legs too.

Eeeew! Gross! the two boys thought. Just then, they heard scream after scream, and all the girls went running to the front of the classroom. The teacher had no idea what was going on yet.

Bart and Scott tried really hard not to laugh or show any facial expressions to give them away. The teacher made all the girls go to the bathroom to clean off the mess on their clothes. While the girls were gone, the teacher scolded the boys and whoever pulled such a prank. No one would fess up to doing it. No one got in trouble! Success! After class, Bart and Scott met at their locker, laughing so hard. They still didn't want anyone to tell on them, so they didn't talk about it. They just laughed.

Later that day, the fifth-grade teacher told the principle what happened in her classroom. Mr. Sneed immediately called Zwarkowski's mom to tell her of the prank.

CH7[ Getting Ready for the Next Show and Tell

Geeze, I thought. Why did I have to get grounded for letting Bart and Scott use my jar of boogers? I wasn't the one who pulled the prank, but I got punished for it anyway. I wasn't allowed to leave my room except to go to the bathroom or eat at the table with my family.

That night, Mom made bean burritos. They were so good that I ate three. When I finished my dinner, I went back to my room to get ready for bed. "Whoa!" I said as I passed gas. Those beans sure make a lot of noise coming back out! I had to hurry and grab my jar under the bed so I could capture the smell. That night, I must have farted a million times. I tried to catch all of them for my new show and tell collection.

Surely my class would enjoy this collection better. It looked like an empty jar. Even Mrs. Blue would like it better. Nothing gross to look at. I kept the jar nearby and kept on adding more to it.

Tomorrow was my show and tell day, so I was trying really hard to get enough in the jar. This Friday was also pizza party day for the third-graders. This happens on the last Friday of each month.

In the morning, I got up earlier than usual because I was so excited about my new show and tell. I grabbed my jar from under my bed and examined it. I smiled really big. I just knew the entire class would be amazed this time! I was able to capture some pretty smelly smells in that jar. I giggled and felt very proud of myself. I packed the jar into my backpack after I ate my breakfast. I told Mom and Dad goodbye. I walked a little different that day to the bus stop. It felt like I was walking on a fluffy cloud. I was so excited!

After I got on the bus and sat in my favorite seat, I noticed that Raelynn was staring at me. "Why are you looking at me?" I asked.

"You look different," she said. "Did something happen to you?"

"No, why?" I replied.

"You look like you got a big allowance or something," she commented. An allowance is money that parents give their kids. Some kids have to earn it; others just get the money for not doing anything at all. I never understood that.

"I have an awesome show and tell today, and I'm very excited about it!" I told her. ]CH7

---

Excerpted from Zwarkowski and the Show and Tell Collection by Cija Holt Copyright © Cija Holt by 2010 . Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---

Table of Contents

Contents

Chapter 1. My Famous Show and Tell Collection....................1
Chapter 2. We Get Revenge....................5
Chapter 3. The Playground....................9
Chapter 4. Looking for My Collection....................13
Chapter 5. Handing Over the Collection....................17
Chapter 6. Prank on the Fifth-Grade Girls....................21
Chapter 7. Getting Ready for the Next Show and Tell....................25
Chapter 8. The Homework....................29
Chapter 9. The Best Show and Tell Ever!....................33
Chapter 10. Dad Teaches Me Some Manners....................37