Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency

by Andrew Reiner

Overview

A thought-provoking and much-needed look at how modern masculinity is harming and holding back men—and all of society—and what we can do to promote a new masculinity that allows men of all ages to thrive. 

In Better Boys, Better Men, cultural critic and New York Times contributor Andrew Reiner argues that men today are working on an outdated model of masculinity, which prevents them in moments of distress and vulnerability from marshalling the courage, strength, and resiliency—the very characteristics we regularly champion in men—they need to thrive in a world vastly different from the ones their fathers and grandfathers grew up in. According to Reiner, this outdated model of manhood can have devastating effects on the entire culture and, especially boys and men, from falling behind in the classroom and rising male unemployment rates to increased levels of depression and disturbing upticks in violence on a mass scale. 

Reiner interviews boys and men of all ages, educators, counselors, therapists, and physicians throughout the United States to better understand what factors are preventing the country’s boys and men from developing the emotional resiliency they need. He also introduces readers to the boys and men at the vanguard of a new masculinity that empowers them to find and express the full range of their humanity. 

Urgent and necessary, Better Boys, Better Men will change the way we talk about boys and men in America today. 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062854940
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	12/01/2020
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	344,194
Product dimensions:	5.80(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Andrew Reiner is a professor at Towson University, where he offers the seminar “The Changing Face of Masculinity.” He has written on masculinity and men’s issues for the New York Times, Italy’s La Repubblica, and The Washington Post Magazine. His work has been featured on NPR and the Canadian Broadcasting Company, as well as in The Guardian, Men’s Health magazine, and Forbes. He speaks about masculinity regularly at schools and conferences around the world.

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Age of Reckoning 1

Chapter 1 How We Talk to Boys 21

Chapter 2 Boys to Men 41

Chapter 3 The Wiring of Masculinity-The Ballsy Truth 81

Chapter 4 Toxic Training 103

Chapter 5 Men and Vulnerability-A Crying Shame 139

Chapter 6 Men and Their Relationships-How to Fight Loneliness 163

Chapter 7 Men and Violence-Shame and the Damage Done 199

Epilogue: Our Brothers' Keepers 225

Postscript: Letter to My Son 235

Acknowledgments 245

Index 249

Editorial Reviews

09/14/2020

Reiner, a lecturer in the English department at Towson University, contends in his lucid and well-researched debut that traditional masculine norms prevent boys and men from “tap into the full range of their deeper humanity.” Frank interviews with men of all ages and reflections on his own experiences as a man raising a young son add emotional depth to Reiner’s research into the “developmental male arc” from infancy through middle age. He cites studies showing that infant boys are actually more “socially engaged” with their mothers than infant girls, yet require “much more help calming down and feeling emotionally secure,” and debunks myths about the links between testosterone and aggression. According to Reiner, the “toxic mindset” that becoming a man means “learning how to toughen up and compete” is feeding current epidemics of loneliness, violence, and suicide among men. His solution, glimpsed in scenes from a Washington, D.C., private school and a correctional institution, is to teach boys and men how to experience the full range of their emotions and express their vulnerability. Parents, educators, coaches, counselors, and scholars of gender studies will want to take a look at this humane and inspirational portrait of an emotionally grounded, resilient masculinity. (Dec.)

Publishers Weekly

2020-11-05
An impassioned argument for asserting a more sensitive model of masculinity to better equip men to meet the emotional challenges of our modern world.

Reiner explores how outdated ideas of masculinity have been holding men back from meeting their full potential while also triggering increased acts of violence, feelings of isolation, and spiking rates of depression and suicide. Shedding light on increasingly hypermasculine recreational activities, including aggressive team sports and violent video games, he counters this by explaining how the women’s movement has gained productive force through strong support networks and increased emotional resiliency. “Whether or not the Future Is Female,” writes the author, “the sad reality is that the Now of Males is decidedly bleak. This is why it’s time we start leaning into and learning from these emerging models of masculinity. If we don’t, boys and men will continue to stagnate and fall behind. Or worse.” Reiner recalls personal struggles from his childhood and how they have influenced his parenting of a young son. Throughout, he recounts discussions with therapists and educators and cites a number of academic studies and the writings of popular self-help authors such as Brené Brown and Tony Robbins. These passages are less rigorous than some readers may desire. More memorable are Reiner’s case studies of men of all ages, including his own students and a group of prisoners attending an ongoing experimental group encounter session. (Note: The author’s research involves almost exclusively heterosexual men.) Though Reiner doesn’t offer a comprehensive game plan and includes few groundbreaking insights, he mounts an enthusiastic appeal for a collective approach toward achieving a new form of masculinity. “We need to learn how to extend ourselves to and support one another in ways that, historically, men haven’t felt comfortable or safe doing or haven’t felt permission to do,” he writes. “We need to replace unnecessary competition in our interactions with a proprietary sense of responsibility.”

An adequate jumping-off point for men willing to put in the work of self-evaluation.

Kirkus Reviews