Forget Prayers, Bring Cake: A Single Woman's Guide to Grieving

by Merissa Nathan Gerson

Overview

Though at times it may seem impossible, we can heal with help from our friends and community– if we know how to ask. This heartrending, relatable account of one woman’s reckoning with loss is a guide to the world of self-recovery, self-love, and the skills necessary to meeting one's own needs in these times of pain– especially when that pain is suffered alone.

Grief is all around us. In the world of today it has become common and layered, no longer only an occasional weight. A book needed now more than ever, Forget Prayers, Bring Cake is for people of all ages and orientations dealing with grief of any sort—professional, personal, romantic, familial, or even the sadness of the modern day. This book provides actions to boost self-care and self-worth; it shows when and how to ask for love and attention, and how to provide it for others. It shows that it is okay to define your needs and ask others to share theirs. In a moment in which community, affection, and generosity are needed more than ever, this book is an indispensable road map.

This book will be a guiding light to a healthier mental state amid these troubled times.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781647224196
Publisher:	Mandala Publishing
Publication date:	08/17/2021
Pages:	180
Sales rank:	1,019,833
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.60(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Merissa Nathan Gerson, author of Forget Prayers, Bring Cake: A Single Woman’s Guide to Grieving, is a New Orleans-based writer, professor and sex educator. Her written work has appeared in The Atlantic, The New York Times, Playboy, and Tablet, among others, and she was the inherited trauma consultant for Amazon’s Emmy Award winning television show, Transparent.

Table of Contents

Foreword Autumn Brown 11

Author's Note 13

Introduction 15

Part I Life Before Death 21

Chapter 1 Home (Alone): What Do I Need? How Do I Even Know? 23

Identifying Your Needs 32

Chapter 2 Making Your Bed Your Lover, and Other Tools for Navigating Hell 35

Setting Up Your Grief Support 44

Chapter 3 Co-Pilots: Making Your Friends Your Spouse 49

Special Requests: How to Ask for Help 60

Chapter 4 When to Tinder, When Not to: Dating While Grieving 63

Dating Standards: The New Frontier 70

Chapter 5 Wills and Bills and Thrills, Oh My! 73

Building an After-Death Checklist 79

Chapter 6 What to Expect When You're Expecting (Grief) 83

Understanding Trauma 93

Part II Life After Death 97

Chapter 7 When the Free Flow of Cake Stops: Relationships

After Loss 99

Setting New Boundaries 109

Chapter 8 Hello? Is This Over Yet? 113

Extra Support: Grief Groups and Grief Counselors 121

Chapter 9 But Actually, Pray: Spiritual Practice As Life Partner 125

How to Pray 130

Chapter 10 Compounded Grief: Fire and Brimstone 135

Stabilizing Your Nervous System in a Pinch 142

Part III The Future 145

Chapter 11 Forget Cake, Make Rituals: Memorializing on Your Terms 147

Anniversaries 157

How to Build a Ritual 158

Chapter 12 If There's Stich a Thing as "Completed Grief,"

This Is It 161

How to Be the Grief Support 166

Chapter 13 Life After Death: Finding Joy 171

Acknowledgments 178

Editorial Reviews

07/05/2021

Gerson debuts with an illuminating memoir-cum-guide to dealing with grief as a single woman. Gerson grounds her advice in her experience of dealing with the death of her father, who suffered from a fatal brain disease, while moving and renovating a house on the other side of the country: “It is you, first and foremost, who gets to be your partner through your grief, and for the rest of your life.” To assuage suffering, she recommends creating a routine, connecting with one’s spirituality (included are prayer routines for multiple religions), and setting boundaries on what one’s “physical, mental, and emotional capacity will be used and for what purpose.” Gerson’s affirming message nudges readers toward identifying what they need for themselves, no matter how much it differs from the advice they may be given: “Whatever it is you need to mourn, you have my permission.” Gerson’s willingness to explore the depth and breadth of personal loss will help those grieving know they are not alone. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"Merissa Gerson has created a neon treatise on the art and necessity of grieving. Forget Prayers, Bring Cake is a lushly crafted offering that we have never needed more than now. I've not read many books that made me write "Thank you" when I finished the last word. Thank you."

Kiese Laymon

"Through her warm writing style, creative ideas and inviting visuals, Merissa Nathan Gerson strikes the perfect tone between 'commiserating woman who's been there' and 'practical grief doula.' As a former single grieving woman who flailed for a while before finding her way, where was this book when I needed it the most?"

Rebecca Soffer

"There’s someone in your life — maybe it’s you — who absolutely needs this book."

Hey Alma

"Where the book truly shines as a “guide to grieving” is in showcasing the abundance of ways that readers can be in nurturing relationships in which they are called to care for mourners. This book is significant for anyone who may be accompanying a grieving family member, friend, or acquaintance and wants to do so with compassion. Gerson’s gift is to illustrate that mourners need not rely on a single person, and need not do their grieving in private, if there are partners, of all kinds, who are willing to meet them in their pain."

Deborah Miller

★ 09/01/2021

Gerson (an intergenerational trauma consultant on the set of Amazon's hit show Transparent) is no stranger to grief. Here she reflects on grieving as a single person, drawing on her training in inherited trauma and her own grief after the death of her father. Through lenses both professional and personal, she describes working her way through anguish at the loss, while living alone and moving to a new city; there's particular attention to practicalities like paying bills, and interpersonal matters like maintaining (or not maintaining) romantic relationships. One of her most significant suggestions is to memorialize the dead via a ritual of one's own making (writing, making photo montages—anything that bridges the past and the future). VERDICT An excellent resource for readers dealing with grief or trauma on their own.—Deborah Bigelow, Director Emerita, Leonia P.L., NJ

Library Journal