Table of Contents
Introduction 1
100 Ideas
1 Understand what it means to be "traumatized" 5
2 First, seek safety and comfort 6
3 Understand the difference between grief and mourning 7
4 Understand that grief following trauma can be particularly difficult 8
5 Allow for numbness 9
6 Consider yourself in "emotional intensive care" 10
7 Inventory your losses 11
8 Be aware of the risks 12 9- Allow yourself a time of limbo 13
10 Stay in touch with your feelings 14
11 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need #1. Acknowledge the reality of what happened 15
12 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need #2. Let yourself feel the pain of your losses 16
13 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need #3. Participate in memorializing what was lost 17
14 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need #4. Develop a new self-identity 18
15 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need #5- Search for meaning 19
16 Understand the six needs of mourning: Need #6. Receive ongoing support from others 20
17 Be aware that your grief affects your body, heart, mind, social self, and spirit 21
18 Tell your story 22
19 Listen to the stories of others 23
20 Consider humankinds stories of disaster 24
21 Re-establish a routine 25
22 Embrace the uniqueness of your grief 26
23 Don't fall victim to the cliché that time alone heals all wounds 27
24 Let go of other destructive myths about grief and mourning 28
25 Make mourning a family affair 29
26 Understand the pressure cooker phenomenon 30
27 Limit your media exposure 31
28 If you're suffering from afar… 32
29 Understand that the disaster experience may compound pre-existing griefs and struggles 33
30 Take care of your body 34
31 Be honest with the children 35
32 Draw a "grief map" 36
33 Build on internal strengths 37
34 Get help with financial stresses 38
35 Look into EMDR therapy 39
36 Attend a ceremony 40
37 Make a call for help 41
38 Guard against scams 42
39 Schedule something that gives you pleasure each and every day 43
40 Remember the rule of thirds 44
41 Take it slow 45
42 If you feel afraid, find ways to feel safer 46
43 If you feel guilt, express it 47
44 If you feel anger, express it 48
45 If you feel sadness, express it 49
46 If you feel happiness, express it 50
47 Relinquish control… 51
48 …but take control of what you can 52
49 Learn to meditate 53
50 Create a memory book or box 54
51 Learn the science 55
52 Marvel at creation 56
53 Spend healing time in nature 57
54 Connect online 58
55 Make a silk purse out of a sows ear 59
56 Save up for the next rainy day 60
57 Reassess your insurance 61
58 Leverage technology 62
59 Laugh 63
60 Cry 64
61 Practice breathing in and out 65
62 Accept that there may be no answers 66
63 Stan (or renew) a daily spiritual practice 67
64 Sleep 68
65 Reach out and touch 69
66 Go to your happy place 70
67 Live in the now 71
68 Look into support groups 72
69 Seek the support of a counselor 73
70 Don't be caught off guard by "griefbursts" 74
71 Wear or display a symbol of your grief 75
72 Watch for warning signs 76
73 Make something with your own two hands 77
74 Pray 78
75 Be aware of "grief overload" 79
76 Say no 80
77 Go somewhere different 81
78 Learn something new 82
79 Advocate for someone else 83
80 Tell someone you love them 84
81 Turn to your family 85
82 Get a massage 86
83 Organize a tree planting 87
84 Look to those who model hope and healing 88
85 Give to the cause 89
86 Volunteer 90
87 Listen to the music 91
88 Reconsider where you want to live 92
89 Simplify your life 93
90 Prepare for another disaster 94
91 Include children in planning for the future 95
92 Be mindful of anniversaries 96
93 Be patient with yourself 97
94 Count your blessings 98
95 Watch for signs of new life 99
96 Reassess your priorities 100
97 Consider the rest of your life 101
98 Understand the concept of "reconciliation" 102
99 Warch for signs of reconciliation 103
100 Strive to grow through grief 104
A Final Word 105
The Mourners Code 107
