Table of Contents
Prologue: A Gift for Losing 1
Part I "Please Tell Us Only When Mets win"
1 The Original Original Met 19
2 Casey at the Mic 36
3 M Is for VRAM 50
4 The House That a Well-Connected Lawyer Built 54
Part II How to Squander a Miracle
5 Tom Terrific and the Midnight Massacre, Part 1: The Terrific Part 77
6 Who Needs Nolan Ryan Anyway? 107
7 Gilly and Yoge 115
8 The Voyage of the Clotilda 135
9 Tom Terrific and the Midnight Massacre, Part 2: The Massacre Part 153
This Call to the Bullpen Brought to You by: Mettle the Mule 173
Part III The Evil Empires
10 The Decapitated Cat 183
11 Fuck the Yankees, Part 1: Doc and Darryl in the Bronx 206
12 How Mackey Sasser Got the Yips 222
13 Bobby Bonilla Day 237
14 The Grand Slam Single and the Walk-Off Walk 254
15 Fuck the Yankees, Part 2: The Subway Series 259
Part IV #Lolmets
16 The Legend of Endy 291
17 Bernie Madoff Stole This Chapter 316
18 The Evidence Points Toward Dupe 317
Seventh-Inning Stretch: The Other Guy Who Was Conning the Mets While Madoff Was Conning the Mets 333
Part V End Times
19 A Big Sexy Day to Remember 337
20 Bring in the Exorcist 344
21 The Last Polar Bear 355
Acknowledgments 369
Index 379